Page 28 of Total Jane Wreck

He shrugs. Rather than answering, he passes me the bottle.

This time, there’s a chair already set up, right next to him. I sit and take a swig of bourbon. It burns going down.

“How was backpacking?” Chet asks.

“Great,” I answer. “The trail was beautiful. Even though we got rained on, it was totally worth it.”

“Can be romantic,” Chet says, “camping in the rain.”

“I suppose,” I answer. “But it wasn’t that sort of trip.”

His dark eyes do this sexy, interrogation thing, practically burning two holes into my skull. “Really? River seems like the lover boy type.”

“I wouldn’t know.” I chuckle nervously. “There was a group of us. My tentmate was a woman in her mid-thirties.”

Chet’s head tilts to the side. “Then why’d you make it sound otherwise?”

“What do you mean?”

He sighs. “When you asked for time off, you said, and I quote, ‘River wants to take me backpacking.’ Then you made sure to point out how handsome River is, how ‘amazing’ his eyes are.”

Now it’s my turn to sigh. “Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” Chet says, scratching his chin. “But you’re an enigma, Jane.” He takes another swig of bourbon. “And I’m gonna add that to the list.”

“You’ve got a list?”

“Mmm-hmm.” He taps his finger to the side of his head. “It’s in here.” Chet’s whisper is dramatic, like he’s sharing some huge secret. “All the reasons I should stay away from you.”

On the inside, I’m reeling. On the outside, I’m determined to stay impassive. “Come again?”

“You want to hear the list?” He gives me a wolfish grin. “Of course you do; here we go. Number one—you’re an enigma.”

“Hold on. Shouldn’t that be the last reason, since you just came up with it?”

“Nah. I sent it straight to the top.” He sniffs. “Number two—you have an ex-fiancé.”

“How do you know that I—”

“In the blue barn,” he states. “You said you’re afraid of ex-fiancés.”

“Kudos to your inference skills,” I say. “But why is having an ex-fiancé a bad thing?”

“It’s not,” Chet answers. “Except, it means you’re looking to get married, which makes you bad for me.”

“But I’m not looking to get married.” Reaching out, I grab the bourbon bottle from Chet. I practically chug it. “Maybe I was before,” I say, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, “but once I found the ex-fiancé in question screwing my sister-in-law, I lost all my childish, romantic notions.” The liquor is already melting me from the inside out. To my horror, I let out a belch. “Marriage is the last thing on my mind.”

“You can say that,” Chet responds. “And you probably even believe it. But you’re the marriage type, Jane. And once you settle down, you’ll expect total honesty from your husband. Because you never lie, isn’t that right? So you can’t conceive of it others. That’s number three on my list—too honest.”

“Sure. Whatever.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Tell me why you feel the need for a list.”

“Because,” he says. “You’re attracted to me. I can tell.” He laughs, not unkindly, but still. “Usually, I wouldn’t hesitate to—you know. ‘Indulge in your charms.’ But that leads me back to my list. Not every reason is about you. In fact, most of them,” he points a finger to his chest, “are about me. Like, I’m your boss. We practically live together. And then there’s reason number . . .” He pauses, blinking. “What number was I on?”

“Let’s see.” I start counting off on my fingers. “Enigma, marrying type, too honest, my boss, live together—that’s five.”

He nods. “Thank you. So. Number six—you’re way too good for me.”

I burst out laughing. “No reason to let me down easy, Chet. It’s not like I was propositioning you.”