Page 44 of Beloved Beast

“Oh, Luke.” Gillian sniffled, wiping her eyes with the corner of her napkin.

“Greedily, I wanted more years with him. I was tempted to take Noir to Reed, demand he bring him back to life. Then it struck me. Would I do the same with Glenna? Amazing what morbid thoughts you have when you are grieving.” He took a sip of water as a ball of emotion formed in his throat. Yes, he still missed his beloved cat after all these years. Almost as much as he missed his beloved Glenna.

Clearing his throat, he continued, “Besides, Reed confided to me during one of his visits he doubted he could reconstruct the exact variables again. I did not want to be the fictional creature from the Shelley novel, insisting on another like myself so I would not be lonely. ‘I am an unfortunate and deserted creature, I look around and I have no relation or friend upon earth.’ That would not be me. I must accept I would outlive anything or anyone I came to care for. Though after Glenna’s death, I was sorely tempted to lock myself away. I began to wonder if all this was penance for my miserable life as Ravenswood.”

He met her gaze and held it. “You see, if you do not love, you won’t experience loss or grief or the gut-wrenching pain and heartache. But Glenna did not want such an existence for me.” Luke laid his fork across his plate. “In truth, it is not what I wanted. I moved to London. Fred involved me in his work. I do not need the money, as wise investments have made me wealthy. But I needed to be out among people again. Keeping busy. Living.” He took her hand. He’d come this far, might as well put the rest out there.

“And I will go on living long after you age and die. You might want to consider that before you speak anymore of a future together. Regardless of how much Glenna and I loved each other, it was difficult to watch her age while I did not. Even worse for her I imagine, though she never admitted it.” He gave Gillian’s hand a squeeze.

“As she headed into her sixties, she was plagued by aches, pains, and other physical maladies. The decline was setting in. We made love less and less and I could see the difficulties ahead. Then she was taken from me. A part of me was glad for her. It was over. Glenna would be spared the indignity of dying of old age while I did not. A couple can manage it if they go through aging together. A shared life experience.” Luke let go of her hand and rubbed his forehead as a sharp pain tore through him. “Right before her death, I sensed we were drifting apart. I do not want another woman to go through it again. Hell, I don’t want to go through it again.” He let out a ragged breath. “I do not know if I can have a future with anyone. With you.”

Chapter 19

Gillian blinked, at a complete loss for words. This man had her confused. He didn’t want a future with her or anyone. His brutally honest statement hurt. It must have showed on her face, for he took her hand again and squeezed gently.

“I said I do not know if I can, not that I don’t want to. There is a difference.”

“I’m having a hard time seeing it.” She pulled her hand away and began to eat again. Be damned if she would let this delicious food go to waste.

“Gillian…”

“Let me eat in peace,” she replied tartly.

“As you say. I have talked more today with you than I have with anyone in years.” He concentrated on his own food.

The silence was awkward. Cutlery making contact with stoneware dishes was the only sound in the room. Gillian cleaned her plate then rose to take the dishes to the sink. She filled the enamel basin with water, looking down into the soap suds as she struggled to control her anger and disappointment.

Suddenly, she was pulled against Luke’s chest as his arms slipped around her waist. She stood stiffly, refusing to soften around him as she usually did. Blasted man, his arousal pressed against her lower back. He nibbled on her earlobe and already her body responded.

“Gillian…”

“Let me clean in peace.”

He kissed her neck. “Come to bed, clean up later.”

“I am not moving from this spot and…”

His right hand trailed upward and cupped her breast. Her nipple was already erect when his thumb brushed past. She was aroused and he knew it. Probably could hear her heart banging out a tattoo beat.

“Then I can make love to you right here, like this.” Luke leaned forward, took her hands and laid them flat on either side of the sink while his hips pressed against her. “I become hard every time you look at me, smile at me. Hell, all you have to do is walk in the room.” Heat flooded her at his whispered, huskily spoken words. “I want to be inside you. I yearn for you to feel me—filling you—every night and when you awake each morning.”

Slowly he pulled up her dress and moaned when he found she was bare underneath. “I ache to be inside you while you eat a meal, read a book, and…” His erection pressed against her rear causing a moan to escape her lips. “While you wash the dishes.” Wild desire tore through her and she ground against him, reveling in the masculine feel of him.

Luke kissed her softly on the neck and she shuddered in response. He caressed her hips, trailing his fingers across her garter belt. “Trust me, Gillian. Trust I need to think this over, as you need to think over what I’ve told you today. Trust I ache for you and you ache for me. Tell me.”

Her insides were completely aflame, every nerve ending sparking. “Yes,” she gasped. “I ache.”

He turned her head to the side far enough to kiss her thoroughly as they grinded their bodies against each other. He broke the kiss, leaning her forward again. “Do you trust me,” he groaned as he unzipped his trousers, “to pull out before I come?”

Hot tears stung her eyes. She loved him. Totally and unequivocally. “Y…yes.”

With one hand at her hip and the other flat on her back, he entered her slowly, inch by inch, filling and stretching her. Luke had complete control of her. She was his. Gillian groaned, arching up on her toes. Her inner muscles clutched him possessively, and she pushed against him as he slid in deeper. Slowly he pulled out then thrust back in. Each slide increasing in velocity, until he was riding her hard.

Trust.

Luke did not touch her or whisper soft words in her ear. Instead, he pounded fiercely. Savagely. She cried out, uttering words of desire, urging him to go faster. Maybe she spoke his name. She could not be sure. He slipped his hand between her legs and stimulated her sensitive little nub, bringing her to release within minutes. The leather of his glove heightened the sensation. She groaned with each shudder of her body.

“Come for me.” He kept up the vigorous pumping while his finger moved faster on the nub of nerves. “Again.”