Page 20 of Beloved Beast

She nibbled thoughtfully on the ham and cheese sandwich for a moment, processing what he said. It was obvious he was uncomfortable discussing this, but she couldn’t help but ask, “How could you tell if I was lying or not in Mr. Parker’s office?”

“Gillian, it is not wise to talk about this.”

“I know. It’s the hearing. You can actually hear my heart beating. Dear God, that means…”

“I am well aware when I’m near and whisper in your ear, your heart rate increases. You are attracted to me, and I am extremely flattered. Though I am not sure why you are, considering how I look,” he said.

How embarrassing. All this time, in the shelter, the car, the teashop, he knew. What to do? Deny it? “And you feel the same. Considering I had not seen your eyes before now, you do not hide your emotions. At least, not often. What do we do about this attraction between us? Ignore it?”

The corner of his mouth quirked in amusement. “We will be in each other’s company the next week or two. Ignoring it will take great effort on both our parts. Why not see where it leads us? We take a little comfort in each other, and at the end of the assignment we go our separate ways with pleasant memories to recall in the years to come.”

He was proposing an affair. A brief one. Gillian dropped the half-eaten sandwich on her plate and frowned. She did not expect this. Didn’t expect to feel anything toward another man ever again, let alone desire. “Considering how I look.” Well, he certainly didn’t look or act like any man she ever knew before. But besides Otto, how many men had she known intimately? None at all. Before joining SIS, she dated, and even kissed more than a few men, heavy petting, but no actual sex. Losing her virginity to Otto made her cover story all the more authentic.

It made her wonder in the three years since if she read too much into the intimacy between her and Otto, though he did state he loved her. And she did become smitten with him. Not easy to leave him, but the fact remains she did. Gillian used him, took advantage of a lonely, unhappy man.

This kept her up many a night since, adding to the guilt she carried around like a permanent infirmity. To enter into another physical relationship with a man would rip open her vulnerability and expose her carefully guarded heart, which still ached with remorse and regret.

“Have I offended you?” Luke asked, his voice soft.

“You know, I am not sure. Do you make a habit of this?”

“Have affairs with women I am supposed to protect? No. Not once.”

She met his steady gaze. “Why me?”

He absently fingered the handle on the china cup. “Because you are a beautiful woman. Because since my wife died, no other woman has managed to capture my interest or heat my blood as you do. Because you are attracted to me, and I find that astonishing since I am hardly the image of a woman’s deepest desires.”

He spoke matter-of-factly, which made her wonder if his emotions were as cool as the touch of his flesh? Such an astonishing mix of a man. His emotions were easy to read and understand, but he was also adept at safely tucking them away as he was doing now. And as he did in Mr. Parker’s office at SIS. “But you’re not ugly…”

He held up his hand to interrupt her. “I am not fishing for compliments. I came to terms with the way I look long ago. I’ve been called a beast, a monster, comparisons to Frankenstein’s creature notwithstanding. But at least I don’t have bolts in my neck.” He winked, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Considering her first thought with seeing him in the clear light of day was Boris Karloff, she didn’t respond to his attempt at humor. “But I have other attributes. I will tell you if you do agree to a brief affair, it will be an intense one.” His voice held a good deal of sensual heat on the last sentence.

The heat tore through her entire body. But it didn’t match the flames she’d seen crack to life in Luke’s multi-colored eyes. He stared at her as if he wished nothing more than to devour her whole. All previous thoughts of him being cool dissipated into thin air. “I am not sure what you think of me, but regardless of my relationship with Otto, I’m not a loose woman. In fact, I have been with no other man but Otto.”

His left eyebrow arched in surprise; then he picked up his cup and sipped, his expression reflective as if he were deep in thought. “I assumed since you went undercover the way you did, you had past experience.”

Gillian nibbled on her sandwich again. “It was decided the ruse would be better served if I remained a virgin.”

“Rather callous and unfeeling of MI-6, but not entirely surprising. Was Kroger at least gentle with you?”

Swallowing down the last of her sandwich, she reached for a shortbread biscuit. “This is a little too personal.”

“What I am proposing is personal,” Luke said, his voice low and serious.

“Yes, it is. All right then. Otto was kind, an attentive and gentle lover.” God, she was uncomfortable discussing this.

“Hmm. Your experience with me may be different from what you’re used to.” Luke also reached for a biscuit.

“Intense?”

“Yes. Thorough. All-encompassing. Frequent, and yes, attentive. And extremely passionate.”

His words were spoken with a husky promise of carnal delights that caused her body to react swiftly. Her nipples hardened and her stomach tumbled in anticipation. As she surmised, his emotions were not as cool as his skin. Not in any way. But caution was in order. “I will need a little time to think about this.”

“I understand.” Luke hesitated for several seconds before continuing, as if deep in thought again. “I want you to know I am not bragging. Along with my other enhanced attributes, I also possess a good deal of stamina. I wanted you to be aware of the fact before you decide.” He paused and fingered the stem of the cup again. “My wife has been dead several years. Though I will admit I’ve hired a few women in recent months to see to my needs, I have not been involved in any type of relationship. This will be a first for me, and not something I propose lightly.”

Hired a few women? He meant prostitutes. A wave of shock moved through her at his blunt statement. He certainly was forthright. Gillian’s mind whirled. No, she did not expect this. She honestly didn’t know what to do or say.

“I am acting in a selfish manner,” Luke said, his voice dropping another octave. “I admit to thinking of my own desires, when in fact at this moment, your life is in turmoil. You are in danger. You will be going to a new country, a new life, and have had no time at all to adjust to the prospect. Pray forget I even made such a suggestion. It was in poor taste and poor timing. Forgive my thoughtlessness.”