Page 28 of Stag

Claudia

He barely messaged the next day, and for some reason that left me feeling almost bereft. For a brief time, he’d been a source of light in my days, something that Marissa had no access to. Something that was all mine. Someone who listened and cared. Someone who maybe saw me as a woman he could be interested in, rather than some disabled, less capable, liability – you know, the way my sister saw me. Was it weird to compare a potential lover to my own sibling? Not when you considered that she acted almost like a possessive partner, rather than my own sister.

I hated that I was starting to fear her, that there was a chill down my spine when I saw her enter a room, or bring me a drink, or something. Was I actually starting to worry about what she was putting in the drinks? Was I assessing myself after, to see if she was doping me up with something? This wasn’t how I wanted our relationship to be. I wanted the fun version of her back, the one who didn’t see me as someone to control and defend.

I found myself checking my phone constantly during the day, which was risky, because we were both working from home, side by side at our dining table. As an editor for businesses, I was always reading dull-as-dishwater documents, including legal documents, and the phone was distracting me, or rather the lack of contact from him was.

Marissa worked for a marketing company, and was working on designing a campaign for a new children’s toy for the company she was working for.

She didn’t seem focused on that though, since she kept glancing at me every time I checked my phone.

She nudged me with her shoulder, offering a friendly smile that I still couldn’t help doubting.

*Waiting for something?*

I shrugged. *Just distracted because the document is so boring.*

She didn’t look convinced, even reaching out with her hand.

“I could remove the distraction for you?”

What was her point? That she’s now the boss of me, the teacher, and I’m the student? That I need her to direct my attention to the right fucking place?

“No,” I said firmly, sliding the phone into my pocket, so she couldn’t get her hands on it. She smashed the last one, and I wasn’t about to let this one become the next casualty in her war against my freedom.

I tried to put my focus on the document in front of me, my mind still half on the man who’d stopped messaging, and the other on my sister, who was fiddling with her own phone, while I was getting judged for using mine.

When mine buzzed in my pocket, the firm vibration against my side making me jump, I figured why the hell shouldn’t I check it? If it was him, I wanted to know what the message was.

Marissa: I wasn’t trying to control you. I just worry.

I lifted my eyes at glare at her, typing without looking, because as my main method of communication with ninety percent of the few people I knew, I was damn good at it.

Me: That’s all you do. Who I message with is none of your business.

Her eyes widened as she read it, and her thumbs went to work replying.

Marissa: If it’s that biker guy, he’s only after one thing. He’ll ditch you after, and I’ll have to pick up the pieces.

How dare she?! I glared at her, then decided that wasn’t enough, so I replied with an entire string of middle finger emojis. Instead of giggling, like she would have done even a year ago, she narrowed her eyes at me, and her cheeks flushed red.

Marissa: He’s a bad influence on you. Look how you’re treating me. All I want to do is keep you safe. You’re my sister, the other half of my soul. I just want you to be safe. I love you.

A twinge of guilt flushed through me, and I sighed, lowering the phone. I was being unreasonable, wasn’t I?

“I know, but you have to let me live my life my way. I’ll make mistakes, and that’s life, right? I should get to make them for myself. I don’t expect you to be my saviour. You have your life too.”

She slammed the phone down, and closed her laptop just as violently, waiting until she was standing, with her devices in her hands.

“DO I?”

She stormed out of the room, and I remained frozen in place, because her words, which I didn’t hear, but felt like I’d been hit in the face by, stunned me. Horrified me. Did she really believe she had no life because of me? Did she really believe that I was holding her back? That’s what those two words meant. She had no life because I was her burden. I was the threat to her living her life.

I could fix that though, couldn’t I?

Me: I need to get out of here, any chance you’re free to hang out somewhere?

Chapter Twelve