Page 10 of This Time Around

“What you reading?” My voice made her jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She smiled and my heart quickened.

It was just a look, a soft smile. But it’s a look I’ve branded in my memory. She was such a contrast to the women I left laying in bed upstairs. Blake was warm and loving, rumpled with sleep. The skin on her face was soft and had a light sheen, making the soft pattern of freckles more prominent. They were hard to see, but sometimes makeup made them disappear altogether. I remember wanting to trace them like a roadmap. Her red lashes fluttered when she blinked, and I wondered what it would be like to have them flutter against my chest while she slept.

Ignoring the erection forming, I roll over to go to sleep. I want to savor this vision, I want it to occupy my dreams, so instead of soothing the ache in my pants, I decide to feed the one in my heart as I drift off to sleep.

Last night I finished this goddamn book. I have jacked off more times in the last week than I care to admit. Each time I open the book and a sex scene crosses the pages, I imagine Blake reading it, getting hot and needy. Knowing she has toys and enjoys her personal time is even more enticing.

The thoughts roll around like marbles in my mind, clanking against one another, stirring all kinds of thoughts and emotions. Thoughts and emotions that I can’t seem to escape. This book started sensual yet tame. Blake refers to it as a slow burn. I could take it to work with me and read it on my break for the first half of the book, but now, hell no! I’d be hard in seconds and then have to see a patient with a boner. This book became an at-home, only read.

I’m meeting Blake at the burger bar again, and as I’m bracing myself to walk in, my nerves are a shattered mess. I can’t wait for this night to be over so we can go our separate ways. Now that we’ve finished the book, there will be no reason for us to hang out. It’s for the best. She’s too tempting.

How in the hell do I talk to Blake about the second half of the book when all I have been imagining is her touching herself as she reads it, as I touch myself while I read it?

Fuck.

When I walk in, I see Blake already here at a table, just staring off into space. She looks sad, her shoulders slumped forward, and her posture is curled inward as if she’s trying to make herself smaller. She stares at the table, her eyes distant and glazed. There’s a heaviness to her expression, a weariness tugging at the corners of her mouth as if she might cry. The light in the room casts soft shadows across her face, emphasizing the expression. Her hands rest limply in her lap, the emptiness of the room echoing the look in her eyes.

“Hey, are you ok?” I ask as I sit down next to her rather than occupying the seat across from her. I curl in close to her, putting my arm over her shoulder and pulling her into my chest so she can rest her head on me.

“Shit day at work,” she sighs. “I hate my boss, and he’s making me hate the bar. He’s such a tool, and without Ana working there, it’s been hard, you know?”

She sits for a few minutes just staring into space, and I just let her be, taking in the faint scent of honey and vanilla as she snuggles into the crook of my neck. Then she continues, “Ana hasn’t worked with me in a while, so you would think I’d be used to it by now, but I’m not. It sucks when everyone else’s life changes around you, and you’re just stuck doing the same thing every day.”

“Maybe this is a sign. Start putting your plan in motion to open your bar,” I suggest.

“I would love to, but I can’t just quit. I can’t afford rent without a job.”

“You could always stay with me-” I cough, we’re done hanging out after tonight, I have to remember that. “or April. You know she would never charge you rent if you were trying to start a business.”

April, that’s a much more rational suggestion.

“I’m not a freeloader, Luke.” She gives me a pointed look. “I have worked way too fucking hard to be independent to throw it all away.”

Blake never knew her dad, and her mom, she’s really something special… She has floated from boyfriend to boyfriend most of Blake’s life, and when Blake and April graduated, she bounced. Moving to Vegas with her then,boyfriend.

My understanding is Blake talks to her every once in a while, but the lack of support is why she spent her teen years as an extension of our family. She didn’t really have one of her own. She has struggled, and she will not risk what she has built for herself. I should have known better.

I rub her back to comfort her as she places her order and we make our way over to the condiment and fry bar, building our platter.

When we get back to our table I can’t help but want to make her feel better.

“Well, I believe in your plan, so if you need help, you know I’m here.” I stop there and change the subject to one I have been avoiding. “What did you think of the book?”

“Oh man, I should have eased you into her books. I fucked up, Luke. This is the spiciest book Marlowe has written. But, I loved it. I think the realness the characters show and how vulnerable they are with each other is pure magic.”

“She puts a vibrator up his ass, Blake. Vulnerable is an understatement,” I whisper a hushed shout at her, and she almost chokes on her water as she laughs.

“When did you become such a vanilla old man?” She has a challenging tone in her voice, like she’s daring me to give her a glimpse into things that turn me on.

Leaning in close, I take the bait and whisper, “Trust me, Blake, there is nothing vanilla about my sex life. I just prefer to leave it behind closed doors. I think some things are better left to the imagination, you know?” Her eyes heat and her cheeks blush, and right now I think I’m ok with her picturing whatever she’s imagining.

“I-” As soon as the first word leaves her lips, her phone rings. Her brows crease and she answers, clearing her throat.

“Hey, Ap,” she greets her, looking at me with a questioning look. She then brings her finger to her mouth, signaling me to be quiet. “Oh nothing, just grabbing dinner with a friend. Can I call you back when I get home?” There is a long pause from Blake as I hear April continue at warp speed on the other end, though I can’t make out what she is saying. My sister has more energy than anyone I know. “Shit, I can’t wait to hear all about it! I’ll call you as soon as I get home, okay? Bye. Love you too.”

She hangs up, plops her phone on the table and rests her head in her hands. “What are we doing, Luke?”