Page 98 of Waking Roslyn

John

Though she kept her grace and poise, the light seemed to seep out of her as soon as I stepped back. It tore at my heart, but I kept my distance. I was too aware of the eyes on Lady Roslyn, the way that people stole furtive glances or slowed their step as they walked by. I refused to endanger her reputation or fuel rumors that were likely already flying.

But as I continued to watch her, I realized just how alone she was in this crowd of hundreds. I knew she did not have even one true friend among these people. Perhaps that was why she was so willing to listen to Lord Everett’s golden lies. No doubt she wanted to believe an ally among these people was possible. But was it? I didn’t know, and the importance of keeping a watchful eye and ensuring her safety became more pressing.

However, about halfway through the evening, something shifted. I couldn’t say what the cause was, but another gentleman approached Lady Roslyn with an invitation to dance. She seemed surprised, but willing. When that dance was finished, another man stepped up and took a turn spinning her about the dance floor. For the second half of the evening, Roslyn spent more time engaged in a dance than she did on the sidelines. It was a dramatic change, and it made me suspicious. Was it Lord Everett’s acceptance of her that had made the difference? Had something about their interaction with the king and queen inspired this interest?

I kept my eyes glued to her the whole time, afraid that one of her partners was going to whisk her out into the night, never to be seen again, or that a conniving young miss would accidentally spill a drink down Roslyn’s back. I didn’t know what to expect, but the sudden and unexplainable acceptance of her presence did not feel genuine, and when she took a breather, standing close to where I had taken up position, I wished to share my concerns with her, but I worried they would cause her pain. What if she was finally feeling as if people here accepted her? Did I really want to take away that hope? Would sharing my concerns make her think she needed to keep hiding?

She glanced over at me, her eyes uncertain before returning to the dance floor. “This is strange.” Her eyes darted over to me once again. “The way people are acting—it is strange, isn’t it?”

I mentally sighed, grateful I wasn’t the one who would have to say it. “It does seem a little odd, Milady.”

Her shoulders drooped. “I thought so.”

I wanted to say more, to hear more of what she was feeling about the situation, but her mother arrived at her side right then, slipping her arm through Roslyn’s and leading her away to speak with someone. I knew it would be one of three couples, because I’d paid attention, and there were only three couples who were willing to be on friendly terms with Her Grace. Despite Roslyn’s sudden increase in popularity among the gentlemen, her parents had continued to be merely tolerated.

Roslyn

The entire evening had been a strange whirl, filled with complex and competing emotions, and motives that I didn’t understand. My parents and I had tried to make sense of it on the ride home, but in the end, they had chalked it up to good fortune. “You see?” my mother said. “I knew their disgruntled anger would be appeased once the threat of you inheriting was put to bed.”

I didn’t contradict her, but I didn’t agree either. I kept wondering if it was the king and queen’s kindness that had changed everyone’s opinion, or if—possibly—Lord Everett’s attention had made the difference.

Now it was the middle of the night, but as exhausted as I was, sleep would not come. Neil had been awful, but everyone else had at least attempted cordiality once the king and queen showed their approval. Did that mean they were not still plotting against me? It hardly seemed prudent to decide that all danger had passed simply because my inheriting was less of a possibility now.

The lack of comfort and ease that I felt in my home kingdom left me angry and resentful. I wanted to continue to enjoy this time in my home, with my parents. I wanted to really, truly feel safe, but that felt impossible.

I tossed and turned deep into the night, managing only a few fitful hours of sleep. I woke when there was only a hint of dawn in the sky. I got out of bed but didn’t bother to rouse Everly. Instead I wrapped myself in blankets and sat at my window, looking out on the landscape, which I knew would boast the deep green and bright pastels of summer once the sun had fully risen. I tried to let the familiarity of the view calm me, but the strangeness of last evening wouldn’t leave me be, and the more I looked out on the dim landscape, the more I started to see phantom shadows and danger.

I pulled myself away from the view, put on a dressing gown and went downstairs. It was close enough to sunrise that I knew some of the servants would be about. I went to the sitting room and found a servant to stoke the fire for me. Then I paced, winding the ties of my dressing gown around my hands and fingers, trying to contain all my nervous, tumultuous energy.

When John showed up in the doorway, his uniform jacket over his shoulders but unbuttoned in front, his appearance didn’t even surprise me all that much. It almost made sense that my frantic thoughts had raced out into the early morning light, rousing him from sleep.

So I didn’t bother asking him why he was awake. I just launched into my thoughts. “There is something wrong,” I started without preamble. “I can feel it,” I insisted, pressing the tips of my fingers into my heart.

“My lady, I understand—”

“Don’t my lady me,” I insisted, terrified that he would dismiss my worry. “And don’t brush aside my concerns. I’m not being paranoid. Something is not right. Something—”

“I agree, Rose.”

I blinked in surprise. He agreed? He wasn’t going to insist that everything would be fine? That I should stay here and stand my ground?

“I mean, Lady Roslyn,” he corrected himself, which was adorable even in these circumstances. “It all just feels wrong. There were many things that happened at the ball that have left me uneasy. Perhaps I was reading too much into things, but—”

“They just didn’t make sense, right?”

“Yes. And I’m terrified of what that means.” The tension he held in his stance was obvious.

I let out a sigh of relief. Somehow his anxiety eased my own, probably because it meant I wasn’t alone. “Good,” I said, almost wanting to sob as the weight of carrying my worry alone was lifted. “Good. Then we leave today?” My vulnerability seeped through into the smallness of my voice.

“Absolutely, my lady.”

I nodded, took a careful breath through my nose and then blew it out. “Now can you please stop my ladying me and just hold me for a moment?”

“Of course.” He stepped forward and wrapped me up.

Why was it so much easier to breathe with him near? It was like my body could not be fully comfortable unless he was with me. And though such a feeling was frightening in and of itself, at the moment, it was exactly what I needed. The way my head fit just beneath his chin, my cheek resting against his linen shirt. The way his large hand covered my entire shoulder blade, warming me. His comfort enfolded me, and as I relaxed, I realized how tired I was.