Page 79 of Waking Roslyn

I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth so I could kiss her palm. “Good night.”

18

Roslyn,

You can come home, my darling! The day has come. The king and queen welcomed a healthy baby boy last month. There will be a celebration in three weeks, and you surely must come for it! The news from the palace is that not only is this baby boy hardy and healthy, but Prince Marcos’s health has been improving of late. There may very well be two healthy heirs for the kingdom to rely on, and there should be no further reason for your presence to be a threat to anyone.

Come home, darling! Come as soon as you can!

Anxiously awaiting your return,

Mother

The letter trembled in my hand as thoughts and feelings tumbled inside me. I’d wanted to return home for so long, but now that I was faced with the real prospect, the excitement I should have felt was buried. Instead, I was mostly worried.

I dug my thumb into the front of my shoulder as a sharp pain made me wince. It was that same old story. The fear and resentment that I had never been able to get rid of. The ache that told me no one wanted me, and no one ever would.

There were other layers to the pain. It wasn’t just the apprehension and feeling of nothingness. It was also sadness at having to leave this place, because this place made me feel like someone. I felt wanted here.

Going home meant being reunited with my parents, but it also meant leaving Lisette, leaving the women of Sutton Manor.

Leaving John.

Before

Roslyn, Ten years old

I was alone. Again.

All day, I’d tried to join the other children just like my parents had told me to, but every time I got close, Neil and Everett would say, “Ew, it smells like gutterling!” and then run away.

I really did try to be brave and strong. I tried to believe that what my parents said was true. But it had been years. Neil and Everett still hated me, and the other children always followed their lead.

So when the sun started to set and Nina came up to me, I didn’t know what to think. I just stood there, nervously tugging on my embroidered bodice, hoping she would think my dress was pretty.

“Well,” she said. “Are you going to hide with us?” she asked with wide eyes.

My heart pounded and then soared. She was asking me to play? “Yes,” I readily agreed. “I’ll hide. I’m good at hiding.”

“Come on, then. We’re all going to hide in the gardens.”

I walked alongside her, thrilled when she looked over and smiled at me. Maybe she didn’t agree with her brother. Maybe she would tell the others that I wasn’t so bad. I smiled shyly, excited to be part of their game.

“You hide over there,” she said, pointing down one path. “I’ll hide over here. And remember, we don’t want the seekers to win, so don’t come out no matter what.”

I readily agreed and ran off to find a good spot. I wanted to do well. Maybe if I was the best hider, they’d want to play with me again.

The spot I found was a good one and I was proud of myself. No one found me.

In fact, no one even came close. I waited, and I waited. The sun set. It got colder. But no one ever even walked by. My body started to feel cramped, and my knees hurt where they pressed into the rocky ground.

But no one came.

I was alone and unwanted. Again.

John

The sound of a door opening caught my attention as I worked to trim the vines that had been trained to grow in an arch over the stone bench that sat beneath them. I looked through the leaves to see who had come outside, and a grin curved my mouth when I saw Rose crossing the terrace. Was she looking for me? I hoped so. My mind had been so full of her since yesterday that Tyson had taken to throwing things at me when I got lost in thought.