Page 75 of Waking Roslyn

Her anger was justified. The words I’d said to her out in the rain were unfair. I’d accused her of terrible things. I’d suggested she was using me and insinuated that her feelings couldn’t be real. Yes, I’d done it out of fear. I’d been trying to protect myself because my life had taught me that beautiful young women of the noble class did not look at men like me, and my mother had reminded me of the same only a few days before our fight. So when she’d wrapped herself in my arms and suggested there was a possibility of more than just friendship, I hadn’t believed her. Rose could have anyone. Any man in his right mind would want her, especially if they were Saldian nobility. Marrying her would mean a potential throne. Yet, she said they wanted her dead. Granted, I was certain it wasn’t all of them. In fact, it was probably only an idiotic few, so drunk on power and pride that they were willing to destroy a young woman in the hopes of climbing a little higher. But those few had crippled her. She had no idea whom she could trust.

So she’d decided to trust me.

And I’d ruined it.

After those glorious moments in the old hovel—moments that still made my neck hot when I thought about them—I had pulled away. I’d escorted her the rest of the way back to the house and let her go inside without saying the things I felt. I should have told her that I was grateful she was here and that she was the best part of my day. I should have confessed to enjoying my training with her more than I’d enjoyed it with all the lads I’d been sparring with for years.

But I hadn’t said any of that. I’d bid her a polite farewell and watched as she went inside.

I told myself I was doing what was best for both of us. Despite what she believed, despite how she’d been brought up, I knew that a romantic connection between us could only bring her pain, and I refused to drag her down.

And yes, I could admit that I was also protecting myself. Because falling hopelessly in love with a woman who really could not marry someone like me would be idiotic.

I’d pushed her away, so I couldn’t blame her for maintaining her distance when I was the one who had ruined our closeness.

But I missed her. Even as she stood in front of me and we continued our lessons, I missed her. She was focused and determined, making more progress than she had before. But she was also sad, and I hated seeing her sad.

I seriously considered agreeing to her spiteful little suggestion, but decided against it. If she ended up actually hurting me, it would likely undo much of the progress we’d made lately.

“Let’s move on to tripping,” I suggested.

She just nodded.

“So if someone grabs you like this,” I said as I took hold of her upper arms, “I want you to step toward them.”

“Not pull away?”

I shook my head. “If it’s someone stronger than you, you have a much better chance of breaking their hold if you attack.”

“I hate attacking,” she muttered under her breath.

“You’ve seemed to be doing much better at it the last couple weeks,” I said, stretching my back a little to tease her.

Instead she looked away, almost like she felt bad about it. “I suppose.”

I wanted to reassure her. Even more than that, I wanted to wrap her in my arms, but that wasn’t an option. “Look.” I switched our positions so she had her back to the pile of straw. “Grab my arms.”

She did so, though her hands didn’t really fit around my upper arms, so she mostly just clung to the fabric of my shirt. I smiled but smothered it quickly. She didn’t need me fawning over her. She needed my instruction.

“Now, if you have a hold of my arms there, then I would bring my arms up between us and step forward so that my knee is behind your knee.” I hooked my knee behind hers from the outside. Stars, she was so close that we were practically embracing. I swallowed. “Then all I have to do is push on your shoulders…” I did so, but instead of letting go of my arms and using her hands to break her fall like anyone else would have, she tightened her grip and tried to keep herself up by holding on to me.

I fell down with her.

Not that I really needed to, but it would have been rude to push her off of me the way I would have done with a real opponent. I ended up on my knees beside her with my upper body hovering over hers and our feet tangled.

If Lord Edmund were to walk in right now…

I stared down at her, wanting nothing more than to slide my hands around her tiny waist and press my face into the crook of her neck. Instead I froze, looking down at her and watching her breathe quickly. I didn’t want to pull away, but I couldn’t in good conscience get closer, so I hovered and waited for her to move.

When she did, it was a simple, small gesture. She released the grip on my shirt and slid her hand up my shoulder.

I jumped up, quickly and dramatically brushing the straw from my clothing, before reaching down and hauling her none-too-gently to her feet. “Good. Now you try.” I ignored the moment we had just had. If I didn’t, I would ruin everything. Our friendship, her reputation.

She took several angry swipes at her skirts before positioning herself in front of me, a challenge in her eyes.

When I went to grab her arms, she moved quickly, hooked her leg behind mine and shoved me hard.

Well. At least she was learning.