Page 71 of Waking Roslyn

He let out a little guffaw. “If anyone is inconvenient, it’s him. So what grand advice did he have?”

“He reminded me of my standing in this world,” I said in a mock-serious voice.

“Your standing?”

“As cousin to his wife and a guest in his house. He suggested that I should not be associating with those of a lower class, and that Lisette would hate it if I did.”

John stiffened, which was unsurprising. It seemed that anything to do with Lord Rockwell put him in a foul mood, and Edmund’s words could certainly be considered an insult to John. I shouldn’t have said anything, but he’d asked. Plus, I had thought maybe he would find the situation as ridiculous as I had. I heard him swallow, and he was silent for several moments before finally saying, “He’s right, you know.”

“No, he’s not,” I insisted, wondering why he would say such a thing, especially when I was so happily wrapped in his arms.

“I don’t like Rockwell, but he knows his way around the rules of society.”

I glared at the ground in front of me. “Edmund Rockwell is one of the last people I would ever take advice from.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s wrong.”

I hated this conversation. I hated that it had ruined the very lovely time I’d been having, snuggled into his warmth. I pulled away and twisted to face him. “No,” I said boldly, “the fact that he’s wrong means he’s wrong. Do you really think I’d let Edmund Rockwell tell me what to do? Especially after what he did to me?”

Our faces were not far apart, and John studied me for long enough that I fought the urge to squirm. “No,” he finally answered. “I imagine you’ll do whatever you like.”

“Exactly,” I said with a nod and then turned back around and leaned against him again, tugging his arms around my shoulders like he was a blanket. I settled against him again and looked up at the large gap in the upper left corner of the door, through which I could see out into the storm. The leaves of the nearby trees dripped with water, and the world beyond that was blurred with rain.

“Rose?” he said, his chest rumbling softly at my back.

“Hm?”

He paused for long enough that I almost said something, but finally he asked, “What am I to you?”

Heat crawled up my neck. “What do you mean?”

“Am I a diversion?” he asked quietly. “Someone you can safely flirt with without any expectations?”

I froze a bit. “No...” This was so new that I hadn’t had the time to define it, or my feelings, or my plans for the future, but I knew he wasn’t just a diversion.

“Why are you here with me?”

“Because I want to be.” Wasn’t that obvious?

“To what end?” Frustration seeped into his tone.

I let out a sigh, not knowing how to answer. “Does there have to be an end in mind?” I asked. Of course I wasn’t trifling with him, but I didn’t know what the future would bring. I didn’t know how long I would be here. And more importantly, I didn’t know what John wanted from me. With so much uncertainty, I’d just wanted to revel in what I was feeling here and now. “Can’t we just…appreciate the moment for what it is?” A moment of shared understanding.

He took a slow breath, like he was trying to be patient but having a hard time.

I didn’t understand his frustration with me. Did he expect me to have all the answers? I had no experience with…this sort of thing.

“There are not very many possible endings for us, Rose.”

I sat up abruptly and turned to face him. “You think there’s no possibility of a future with us?”

“We are bound to come to an end.” He gave a little shrug, looking sad. “I think you know that.”

The resignation in his eyes made me bristle even more than his words did. “No, I don’t agree with that.”

“You don’t?”

“No,” I said, turning fully so that I was on my knees facing him.