Page 16 of Waking Roslyn

I frowned. “Explain to me again why you married him?”

“Don’t,” she said as she turned her back on me and let out a sigh.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t pretend to be ignorant to my reasons. Perhaps I was not smitten with Edmund, but he was charming and kind—”

“In the beginning.”

“Yes, in the beginning. And for long enough that I could not think of a good reason to refuse an offer of marriage to the future sovereign of this nation.”

I pressed my lips tightly. I had no right to judge her decision.

“I was already twenty years old, and if I’d left things up to my father, I may never have had the chance to marry. So instead of aging alone and becoming an old spinster, I am going to be a duchess.”

Ruling held no appeal for me, but I understood that she didn’t see it that way, and I had been unfeeling. “I know, and I’m sorry, it’s just—”

“You have a pretty little idea of marital bliss in your head because your parents adore each other. But that is a rare thing, Rose, and it’s foolish to hold out for such a thing.”

I pulled back, surprised by the bite in her words. “Are you suggesting that I throw myself at the first man to look at me twice?”

“I’m suggesting that being married would provide you with an extra layer of protection. And I know that’s something you can appreciate.”

I blinked, taken aback by her words and the force with which they hit me. I’d spent so much of my time trying to protect myself by being invisible that I’d never considered the protection that a partner might provide. Yet the very thought of having a partner, of trusting someone enough that I would want to share my whole life with them, made my gut clench. Safety in loneliness was what I knew. Taking care of myself was what I knew. How could I find safety with someone else? Especially when I didn’t know anyone else?

Yes, Lisette had a point, but I didn’t think she realized just how impossible such a thing would be for me.

She took a deep breath and let it out in a heavy gust. “I’m sorry, Rose. I know things are far from simple for you.”

I shook my head. “I’m the one who owes you an apology. I have no right to question your marriage. I just wish he treated you better, that’s all.”

We let the subject drop and continued to entertain ourselves by imagining elaborate decorating schemes that were completely impractical until it was time for lunch.

Edmund had not joined us for the midday meal yesterday, and I couldn’t help but hope that he would miss it again today. Instead, he was at the table before either Lisette or I entered the dining room. He hadn’t bothered to wait for us and was already starting to eat his meal.

“Good morning, my darling,” Lisette greeted as a footman pushed her chair under her.

“Indeed” was Edmund’s response. There was a letter lying to the side of his plate that held his attention.

I resisted the urge to catch Lisette’s eye.

I sat and took several bites before picking up my goblet.

Edmund suddenly slammed his fist down on the table, letting out a curse and making me jump. The goblet in my hand jerked so badly that half of the wine spilled out across the table and my hand.

I stood and jumped out of the way before it was able to drip onto my lap and soil my dress.

“Foolish girl,” Edmund snapped as two servants rushed forward to soak up the spill. “Must you ruin our meal with your theatrics? That was perfectly good wine you’ve wasted.”

My heart pounded from the scare, but also from the degrading tone that Edmund had used. It reminded me too much of Everett and Neil calling me a gutterling as they twisted my arm behind my back and pushed me to the ground.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. This wasn’t Saldine. I was in no danger here.

“Sit, Rose.”

I jumped again at Edmund’s command.

“Or do you require an embossed invitation to finish your meal?”