Page 127 of Waking Roslyn

It took longer than I would have expected for him to respond. “I’m sorry you still cannot feel safe here.”

“Perhaps I will just go back to Winberg for the next two years.” I took a deep breath. “The culprits have been found, and if I return to Bridgefield and impose upon Lisette and Edmund for a while longer, I should be perfectly safe.” And it would give me more time with John, and I desperately wanted more time with him.

“You wish to go back?” he asked.

I let out a sigh. “Yes and no. You know how much I loved Bridgefield. And while two more years of living under Edmund’s roof is not appealing, I would at least feel safer there.” I lifted one shoulder. “It’s my best option.”

He smiled faintly. “I suppose so.”

I frowned. “You suppose so?” I turned more fully toward him, the tea forgotten for the moment. “It’s a good solution, isn’t it? Don’t you think I would be better off if I weren’t terrified all the time?” I paused to gather my courage before adding, “And you would be there.”

He scooted closer and took my hands. “Yes. Of course. If you choose to go back to Bridgefield, we can do that. Anything that will keep you safe is a good thing. I want you to feel safe, to be safe. But…but your father…” He trailed off, looking uncertain and uncomfortable.

“My father what?”

“Your father mentioned another way, but…” He dropped my fingers and ran both hands through his hair hard enough that it pulled on the skin of his forehead.

Another way? The only other way I knew of was to get married, but would my father really tell John that? And since when was John nervous to tell me anything? “Just tell me, John.”

His look was rueful. “I don’t want to suggest it. I don’t want you to think that you should do something that you don’t want to do just to protect yourself. So if you don’t want to resolve things”—he struggled for words—“resolve things the way your parents—then I understand and I hope you can be happy in Winberg, but if I could help keep you safe a different way…if it was something you wanted—” He took a breath and held it, then blew it out, closed his eyes and kept going. “If you wanted it, then I want it too. And I want you.” His voice shook. “And if we both wanted…it, then we could fix it that way. We could…” His shoulders fell and he seemed to give up.

Now I was certain that I was in love with him. His bumbling, humble, disjointed, vulnerable monologue somehow made sense to me, and I loved him deeply for it. So I took his hands in mine and looked up into his eyes, which held both hope and trepidation. “First of all,” I said, scooping up all my courage. “I want you too.”

The breath he let out was shuddering. “You do?”

I nodded. “I do.”

He leaned in and caught my mouth with his, kissing me in a tremulous, vulnerable way that left my heart soaring and wanting more of him. I wanted more days and more conversations and more everything with him.

I pulled back slowly and framed his face with my hands. “Now, John. Let us understand one another, shall we?”

He nodded, keeping his arms around my waist. “Yes, please.”

“As far as I know, the only other way to ensure my safety is to make it impossible for me to inherit by doing what my father did. That is, marrying a commoner. Is that what you were referring to?”

He nodded.

“Good. You see, when my mother mentioned it, you were the one I thought of,” I admitted, which made him smile. “And I let myself hope for a little while that I could ask that of you, but then I started to worry.”

“About what?” he asked, tightening his hands where they latched behind my lower back.

“About you saying yes only because you wanted to protect me. Or because you were obligated to save a helpless maiden.”

He smiled. “You just brought Lord Neil to his knees and tossed Lord Everett over your shoulder. I don’t think anyone would dare call you a helpless maiden.”

I smiled at that. “Thank you. Still. I did not like the idea of trapping you in a marriage you didn’t want. So I came up with my other plan. Because if we marry, I only want it if you want it as much as I do.”

“I want it,” he said immediately. “I want it more than…than…I can’t even think of anything to compare it to. I just—” He stooped to kiss me again, and this time I let myself revel in it. Because this was starting to feel real. His words were starting to feel true.

He pulled back and kissed me lightly. One, two, three times. Then he tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “I love you so much, Rose.”

A tear slipped down my cheek at the same time as I laughed. “I love you too, and I really want you to marry me.”

“All right,” he agreed.

His easy answer made me grin. Still, I worried. “But is it too soon?” I couldn’t help asking as all my hesitancies rushed back in. “Maybe we should wait. Maybe we’re too young.”

“So?” he said, dipping his head so it was easier for me to look up into his eyes. “Commoners get married young all the time. The point is to take care of each other, work together, share a life. We could do that now, couldn’t we?”