Page 53 of The Swindler’s Daughter

We all gratefully agreed and settled into a silence filled with pounding hearts and breathing that needed to be calmed.

Once the boys deemed it safe to venture out, I did my best to square my shoulders and get on with it. But the thought of leaving our little hideaway caused my vulnerability to rise up, and I could feel myself starting to panic as Oliver and John crawled out between the vines. Rowan and I scooted forward, but when he tugged on my hand, urging me to step out into the world, I didn’t move. I wasn’t ready.

“You two go ahead,” Rowan said when John leaned down to look in and see what the holdup was. “We should go back separately anyway,” he claimed, but it felt like an excuse.

“Stay safe” was all John said before dropping the vines and leaving us.

There was a gap left in the vines that allowed some light to seep in, illuminating our surroundings.

Rowan didn’t say anything right away. He just slipped his hand around mine. I looked over at him, and even in the muted light, I saw that his smile was barely there and too serious. After all our grand plans, this whole situation had brought us all back to earth. But there was something beneath the seriousness, something that suggested our hand-holding wasn’t just for comfort. Or maybe that was just me hoping for something else in this moment besides the consequences of running for our lives.

Rowan still didn’t say anything.

I had to swallow several times before I found my voice. “That was…close,” I finally said, needing some sort of sound other than my heartbeat in my ears.

Rowan looked over at me, his expression dismayed. “John never should have given you that pouch of money in the market.”

That seemed a strange thing to lament over at this moment. “Why?”

“We’ve dragged you into this.”

I turned to face him fully. “No one drags me into anything. I wanted to help. What we are doing matters.”

He didn’t look convinced. “You didn’t used to think so.”

“I’m allowed to change my mind,” I said, scooting back to lean against the dirt wall.

“Even after today?”

I thought about that. Today had been dangerous. It had been more than I’d bargained for and I was still feeling the effects of it. But we’d been right. Though we hadn’t recovered even a coin of what had been stolen, we knew it was there. “Especially after today,” I answered.

“I just—” This time he was the one to turn toward me, putting a hand on my bent knee.

The heat of his hand made my shoulder curl in.

His expression was more open and more torn than I’d ever seen it. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I swallowed and dredged up my bravery to ask the question, “Why?”

His shoulders fell. “I think you know why. And if you don’t, then perhaps I haven’t been plain enough in my words.”

My heart tried its best to jump out of my chest, but I breathed carefully and managed to speak. “We’re friends.” The declaration was nothing more than a whisper as I desperately wished for him to contradict me, to tell me we were more.

He moved closer, close enough that his leg bumped into mine and our feet fought for space. “Just friends?” he asked, his hand moving from my knee to rest on the ground so he could lean slowly closer, his eyes fixed intently on my own.

His unhurried pace gave me the opportunity to anticipate and ache. It gave my heart a chance to race ahead, anxious for the contact and eager for the heady experience it promised.

“No,” I finally breathed, sitting forward just a little, and he eagerly closed the distance.

Rowan’s lips settled against mine, soft and tentative as they explored the texture of my own with gentle brushes. I reached out a hand, timidly clutching the front of his shirt in an attempt to keep him close. A tremble ran through me as my soul sang that this was what I wanted. I’d wanted it for a long time, but I’d become so accustomed to resisting the need I felt to be closer to him that having that barrier removed was surreal. Beautiful. Unbelievable. Terrifying. But safe at the same time.

I sensed his restraint, felt the way his hand touched my side only to pull away. He was being so careful with me, and that only made me ache more.

When I felt on the verge of burning to ash, Rowan slowed and pulled back, leaving only one more chaste kiss on my cheek.

My heart thundered in my ears and I reluctantly relinquished my hold on him, but he scooted around so that he could sit at my side but with his body facing me, a hand around my waist, keeping me close.

He dipped his forehead and set it against my temple as we both tried to catch our breath.