Page 79 of Songs for Libby

But.

The possibility of having bigger feelings for Sean was…it was…

“Libby?” Sean asked, his face vulnerable and begging for an answer.

I couldn’t lie, so the awful truth was, “I don’t know!” I yelled it, my face flushing with the admission.

Silence.

“I don’t know,” I started rambling. “I didn’t feel that way—at first, before, in high school. And since then I’ve never had the space to even ask myself the question. I was in survival mode while you self-destructed. Then I was married to a man I adored. A man who put me back together after I dismantled myself for you. And now I’m—this.” I swept my hands in front of my body, indicating the belly, the tears, the worn-out human I’d become. “A broken, pregnant widow. I’m riding two roller coasters simultaneously. The grief and the pregnancy hormones. So I DON’T KNOW.”

I felt cut open, like he was looking inside a gash that had opened across my heart. I should have listened to him. We shouldn’t have talked about it. I should have just gone to my corner and let the information sit. Instead I watched as his eyes lit with a fire I hadn’t seen in him before. His gaze dropped to my mouth for the briefest of seconds and when it returned to my eyes I nearly swallowed my tongue.

“You’re right,” I said, turning away. “We shouldn’t be talking about this right now.” I fled to the door. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Do you want me to come with—”

“No!”

I slammed the door on my way out.

Before I got to the end of the street, I had pulled out my phone and tapped on Naomi’s name.

“Hey, Libby.”

“He has feelings for me,” I burst out. “Romantic feelings.”

“Who?”

“Sean.”

“Oh.” She didn’t sound nearly as shocked as she should have.

“What do you mean, oh?” I imitated her tone.

“I mean, gee, the man who dropped his career and life to come watch over you and be with you while you mourn your dead husband has romantic feelings for you? I’m shocked.”

“Don’t be sarcastic with me right now. I’m freaking out, Naomi.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I guess I’m just surprised that this never occurred to you before now.”

I scoffed. “Yes. I must have missed all the romantic gestures.”

“Romance rarely looks like the movies, and if he thought you didn’t reciprocate…” She trailed off.

“What?” I prompted after several moments of silence.

“I’m waiting for you to tell me if you reciprocate or not.”

My mind churned over that question. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I never have before. I never even thought…”

“Fair enough.”

I blew out a breath. “So what do I do?”

“About what?”

“About the man living next door who just told me he’s…he’s…”