Page 75 of Just for Tonight

“I did want it to be a thing,” I admit. “I like being with him. I like him. I like how we are together.”

“But he doesn’t.”

“I guess not.”

“Just in for the sex.”

I frown. “I don’t think so. It didn’t seem like it.”

“So, do you think that he rejected you or the idea of a relationship?”

“Does it matter?”

“Sure. One is personal and the other might be philosophical.”

“An asshole only has to think of himself.” I don’t mean to say the words out loud but I obviously do because Merrie laughs.

“I can get on board with that, actually.” I must look surprised, because Merrie leans forward. “Why does the traditional marital relationship work?”

“It doesn’t, not always.”

“But when it does, it’s often because one partner has surrendered their own objectives to play for the team. Usually, the wife’s goals are surrendered to the greater good of the relationship. Wife, mother, homemaker, maybe even more tasks fall to her, while he keeps on doing whatever he’s doing.” She took an appreciative swallow of wine, probably intended to give me time to think, then fixes me with a look. “I don’t see you ever doing that.”

“Not a chance,” I agree.

“So, maybe you are in agreement, but just don’t like that he was the one to call it first.”

I suspect she’s right, just as Richard Bradshaw was right, but it still annoys me that Jake didn’t want me enough to battle even his own expectations. “That sounds so petty.”

“It does, and it doesn’t. Is it petty to want to achieve something yourself? I don’t think so, and I don’t think you should be in a hurry to surrender what you’ve already accomplished.”

“That wasn’t why I asked…”

“No, you just wanted to know the state of the union, but if you haven’t talked about it, if he hasn’t talked about it, then there probably isn’t a union to discuss.” She toasts me. “Just a few happy interactions, which isn’t nearly the same.” Her brows rise. “Thank goodness. If we had to commit to every guy who caught our interest, they could put turnstiles on the marriage registry offices.”

I laugh, because I’m supposed to, and because I feel better. Merrie changes the subject, asking about wine matches for summer appetizers, like bruschetta, and the conversation shifts to our shared passion for food.

I’m not convinced that it wasn’t possible for Jake and I to work it out—we’re both smart people, after all—but maybe Merrie’s right and I haven’t lost that much.

Just great sex at intervals, and I will mourn the loss of that. (Anybody would.)

But as for the path forward, British Columbia, here I come.

21

Jake

I was hoping it would take Mackenzie longer to call me on it.

We were having a thing. The second time was the start of that. What would I call it? A temporary permanence? No, even that sounds too much like commitment. A short-term alliance, destined to be cancelled at any moment’s notice on the initiative of either party.

Maybe. But I knew she wouldn’t be the one to end it. Women never do. I expected her to try to escalate it sooner.

I was glad she hadn’t.

I’m disappointed she’s done it now.

I know that I should be moving on. She chewed me out. I admitted that she was right. We celebrated then I shut her down when she started the inevitable discussion. It was the right thing to do but it feels so very wrong.