Page 106 of Resisting the Fall

“Your turn,” I said a touch too eagerly, my spoon clanking against his when I released the handle. “Ask me anything.”

“What happened between you and Colin?”

Except that.

I searched my mind, trying to put words around something I still didn’t fully understand. “It didn’t feel right. He was a great guy, it’s just that when he proposed…” I shook my head and shrugged. I think until that moment, I had tried my hardest not to compare my relationship with him to my relationship with Ben. But when he dropped on one knee and asked me to marry him, the difference between my feelings for him and what my feelings had been for Ben were undeniable. It didn’t matter the lengths Colin had gone through to make it a beautiful moment or the size of the ring he’d bought me. He deserved someone who would feel the way I’d felt when Ben had spontaneously asked me to elope. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

We didn’t navigate around the discomfort but just sat there, allowing it to linger. Mr. Hughes would be proud.

“Tell me something no one else knows,” I said, finally breaking the silence.

He looked hesitant to answer. “A few years ago, I drove to Boston to see you perform in your string quartet.”

My lips parted. “You did?”

“I almost got up the nerve to come speak with you after, but…”

“Colin was there,” I finished. Colin and I had only been dating a few weeks, but he had been in Boston for work and surprised me by showing up at my concert with a massive bouquet of roses.

Ben cleared his throat. “It was probably for the best.”

My heart ached at his confirmation.

He leaned back in his chair, pushing the carton of ice cream away from him. “But I got to see you play, so it was worth it.”

I gave a small smile, my mind trying to make sense of his admission. And the way he now loved classical music. And the picture of us in his desk drawer. With all Ben had accomplished and become since he’d left, I had assumed he’d moved on, but maybe he hadn’t. Maybe, like me, there was still a part of him that hoped it wasn’t over between us.

“Are you done?” he asked, gesturing to the ice cream.

“Yeah.” I cleaned off my spoon with my mouth and handed it to him, then followed him into the kitchen as he placed the carton in the freezer and went to the sink. While he washed the spoons, I placed my back on the counter and looked over at him. “Do you still love me?” I asked before my bout of courage was gone.

His gaze met mine, uncertainty in his expression. “Isn’t it my turn for a question?”

“No. You asked if I was done with the ice cream.”

He turned off the faucet and faced me. “I don’t think I’ll ever figure out how not to love you. And, trust me, I’ve put a lot of effort into it.”

My heart took off at a sprint, leaving me winded. “Then ask me to stay.”

His gaze dropped, and he ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t, Maven.”

I stilled. “Why not?”

His gaze lifted to mine. “I just can’t.”

My cheeks grew hot and tears stung my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of Ben. “I need to use the restroom real quick, then can you drive me home?”

Ben grabbed my hand. “Maven, it’s not that I don’t want⁠—”

I pulled my hand from his. “Honestly, it’s for the best. Like you said. We knew how this was going to end heading into it, and it makes sense. Your life is here and my life is in New York. We’re just a pair of star-crossed lovers.” I gave a strained smile. “Let’s just get through these next few weeks, and then we can move on with our lives once and for all.”

The hot, metallic air from inside the station dissipated as we made our way out of the subway into the frigid January evening. Maven took my hand, and though I could feel her gaze on my profile, I didn’t meet it.

“What’s the matter, Ben?”

I shook my head.

“Just talk to me. You’ve been acting weird ever since we got home from Christmas break.”