Page 105 of A Match of Misfortune

Cecily opened the door wider until Mrs. Markham’s concerned gaze fell on her.

“Oh, my darling girl.” She hurried inside, shut the door, and wrapped Cecily in her arms.

In the comfort of Mrs. Markham’s embrace, Cecily’s guard crumbled, and she wept as she had not wept for years. Her entire body shook while Mrs. Markham whispered consoling words. “All will be well, my child. You will see.”

Eventually, Cecily’s sobs lessened.

“Come sit with me,” Mrs. Markham said, leading Cecily to the settee. She did not press her to talk but settled an arm around her and waited.

Cecily’s breath shuttered. “Our betrothal is only temporary. At my insistence, Nash agreed to my request so I would not have to endure any more suitors’ attention or refuse potential offers of marriage.”

Mrs. Markham did not look at all surprised by her confession. In fact, she nodded as though she had known of it all along. “You also did it to keep him in England longer, did you not?”

Cecily gave a timid nod. “I should have told you the truth.”

“The truth was quite obvious to me and to Mr. Markham, but we knew your mind was set.” She gave a small smile and tucked a loose tendril behind Cecily’s ear. “And, I admit, we both had our hopes it would turn out as it has. With an actual betrothal.”

Cecily’s cheeks warmed. “But it is not an actual betrothal. There are too many complications.”

“If you are referring to your dowry, do not dismay just yet. Your father will be here next week, and we can speak to him about what protections might be added to the marriage contract. Or perhaps there is a different financial arrangement altogether that might be considered, such as a jointure.”

A different financial arrangement. The words caught in Cecily’s mind. She had not considered that Papa might make a different arrangement because frankly, before now, it had not mattered. She had not planned on marrying. But even if there were something that could be done, it was only one of the obstacles that would need to be overcome. “Regardless, he is returning to India. It will be years before he returns.”

“You would truly not consider going with him?”

Cecily’s head whipped toward her. “You know I cannot leave Adelaide.”

“Adelaide wants to see you happy just as much as you want to see her so. If you were in her place, would you not wish for her to live her life to the fullest? To fall in love and have a family?”

“Of course I would, but it is⁠—”

“No. It is not different, Cecily.” She released a breath, her brow creasing. “Were you aware that I first met Mr. Markham only a few years after your mother died?”

Cecily stared at her. “You did?”

“The bank in Staplehurst, as you know, is one of his bank’s country partners. He had been visiting, and I went to post a letter at the inn. He said he felt drawn to speak with me, and though it was rather bold on both our parts, we made introductions and spoke for nigh on an hour at the green space nearby. The next day, we met again. It carried on like that for three more days, and on his last day there, he asked if I had ever considered marrying. I knew what he implied, and …” She shook her head. “I didn’t want to leave you and Adelaide. I knew how much you depended upon me, and I loved you both dearly.”

Cecily’s heart twisted at the realization. “You refused him because of us?”

“In part. And in part because I’d already experienced too many losses. The idea of being in love terrified me. It was easy to be content where I was—being the governess to you and your sister—but if I were to allow myself to love Mr. Markham, it might lead to more heartache. To more loss. Over the next several years, each time Mr. Markham visited Staplehurst, we would spend time with one another. It never felt long enough, and eventually, despite my fear and my reservations, I began to realize the greatest heartache I would experience was not being with him.”

Cecily lowered her gaze to her hands.

“Do you remember the first time Mr. Markham came to Penrose Court that summer before we married? And what you said to me when he left?”

At fifteen, even Cecily could see how much they loved one another. “I told you that if you loved him as much as it appeared, you must marry him. Even if it meant having to leave me and Adelaide.”

“It was those words that gave me the strength I required to accept Mr. Markham’s offer.” She took hold of Cecily’s hands. “Perhaps you might allow Adelaide’s support and encouragement to give you the strength you need to fully love Nash. The permission to sacrifice for that love.”

Cecily could not deny that the thought of being away from Nash felt as though it would break her. But was it the same for him? He had certainly hinted that he returned her feelings—he had even suggested once that she go with him to India—but it always seemed to be done in a way that left Cecily questioning if he was only teasing her or simply saying something for appearances’ sake.

And yet, even if he did love her, was it worth the sacrifice? She had no desire to leave her family. Or the Markhams. Even the Rothsburgs had grown more dear to her than she could ever have imagined. And what of her dear England that she loved so much? But when she thought of Nash, a confirmation buzzed in her chest.

She would go to India if it meant being with Nash.

If that was what he wanted.

The distant sound of a door opening and closing drew Cecily’s and Mrs. Markham’s attention. Heavy steps echoed through the corridor outside.