Page 96 of A Well-Trained Lady

Augustus released a heavy exhale, staring vacantly at the others. The mindless chatter buzzed in my head, and all I wanted was to be rid of it. My hands were trembling, and I drew in a slow breath, suppressing my rising emotions. Better numb than mad.

“I never thought you unchanged.” Augustus’s voice was gentle and close. “I love you, Bella. Not solely the girl you were, nor the woman you’ve become, but the whole of you. Everything that brought you to this moment and everything that will follow after. Forever.” My soul quivered at his declaration, but I would not look at him lest he discovered it. “Despite what you believe, you deserve to be loved that fully. Not in spite of your imperfections, but in addition to them.”

How I longed to believe him, but the imperfections he spoke of were only a small portion of the ones I possessed. Perhaps he could love a woman who had lied, who had showed she cared too much for status and fortune and reputation. But to love a woman who had formed a reputation for hurting others intentionally, who was continually selfish and false and manipulative? That was impossible.

“If you knew …” My voice trailed off. He would not understand. I did not wish him to understand. For I would turn out no different than Mother, just as she had not deviated from her mother. I already was more like her than I cared to admit.

“There you are, Mr. Brundage.” Lady Beatrice walked toward us, a sultry smile on her face. “I need a partner for whist. What say you?”

His eyes flitted to me. “I had not intended to play this evening,” he said, barely able to conceal his irritation at her arrival.

Lady Beatrice glanced between us with interest. “Have I interrupted something?”

“No,” I said, trying to appear unaffected. “Not at all.”

Apparently appeased by my assurances, Lady Beatrice’s beseeching eyes settled back on Augustus. “I truly cannot convince you?”

“I fear I’m in no mood for games.”

Augustus glanced at Ruth, and Lady Beatrice followed his gaze. “I see you are once again playing the role of the vigilant protector.” She fluttered her lashes at him, but his eyes did not return to her. She stepped to his side and placed a hand on his arm. “In that case, it might be relevant to know that it was Mr. Green and Miss Seton who I had hoped to oppose. Surely that would be a more beneficial location for you than standing all the way over here with only Miss Godwin for company.”

It was my turn to conceal my irritation.

Augustus glanced down at Lady Beatrice’s hand before meeting her gaze. “I prefer to watch their interactions from a distance. But I thank you for the offer.”

I stepped toward her. “If Mr. Brundage is certain of his intentions, I would gladly partner with you, Lady Beatrice.” If I could not right my many wrongs, I could at least ensure Mr. Green’s intentions toward Ruth were sincere. Besides, I could not trust myself to stand here a moment longer with Augustus and his heart wrenching declarations.

Lady Beatrice gave a small pout. “Very well then, Miss Godwin. I believe the game they are observing is nearly finished.”

Not willing to glimpse Augustus’s disappointment, I lowered my head and stepped in next to her.

* * *

Ruth pulled down the coverlet and sprang into bed.

Leah pressed back a smile. “Do you require anything else, Miss Godwin?”

“No. Thank you.”

Leah dipped into a brief curtsy and left.

I glanced at Ruth sprawled on the bed, smiling up at the ceiling foolishly. “You seem content.”

She lifted onto her elbows. “Mr. Green has told me that he prefers my company over that of any other woman. Can you even believe it? Someone prefers me. Not to just one, but all other women.”

“You should not be the least bit surprised.” And yet, even as I spoke the words, I could not push the thought of Mr. Green as a fortune seeker from my mind. I had watched Ruth and him closely all evening, and he seemed genuine in his interactions, yet did people not often think me genuine? “Though, despite his declarations, you must be cautious.”

I climbed in the bed next to her, and she rolled to her side, propping her head up with her arm. “But you have been singing his praises since I arrived.”

“I believe the prospect of us marrying such close friends may have influenced my regard for him.”

Ruth’s eyes gleamed in the candlelight. “I did not even think of that. How wonderful would that be? Dearest friends marrying likewise.”

I rebuked myself for having put such an influential thought in her mind. “Yes, but that is not a reason to marry someone. Remember what Augustus said about truly knowing a man before you fall in love with him? Though I believe Mr. Green to be a good man, it is sometimes difficult to truly know a person’s intentions.”

“Yet what reason could he have for falsehood? I have no fortune, at least none as of yet. And there seems to be nothing else he would gain from pursuing me.”

I bit back my admission, as well as my comment regarding what some men hoped to achieve through such endeavors. She need not worry herself, for I would keep a vigilant watch on them both. “Regardless, do promise you’ll be careful.”