Page 55 of Heartstrings & Horseshoes

Me: [selfie naked from the shoulders up, lying in bed with evident post-pillow humping hair]

The bouncing dots appear, and disappear, over and over. Is he going to reply? Did I take it too far? It’s okay for him to send flirty selfies but not me?

Studmuffin: Please tell me that was meant for me.

Me: Who else would it be for?

Studmuffin: I don’t know, but I don’t want to think about it.

Me: Good to know. Yes, it was for you. If you can send me topless selfies, why can’t I?

Again, the bouncing dots spike my anxiety.

Studmuffin: What are you doing at home that left you looking like you’ve just been fucked?

Oh. My. God. Did he really say that? I read the text repeatedly to confirm that yes, my best friend just referenced me and being fucked in the same sentence.

Confidence sparks and I’m running with it. I’m tired of living in limbo with Connor, so I’m pushing the issue.

Me: Maybe I was.

Studmuffin: Don’t fuck with me Delilah. Are you alone?

Me: Nope.

Studmuffin: Who’s in our fucking apartment?

Me: Just me and my blue bestie.

Studmuffin: Your what?

Me: [photo of blue bestie laying discarded on the rumpled bed next to his used pillow]

Studmuffin: Delilah…

Me: Yes?

Studmuffin: Did you fuck yourself with that vibrator?

Me: Mmhmm, but it wasn’t enough.

Studmuffin: No? Don’t like this one? You must miss the purple one I found in your nightstand at the trailer.

He did not…I thought it got left behind. Connor found it and has known about it all this time? I might die from mortification if we hadn’t blown past that into uncharted territory.

Me: It’s an upgrade from my purple pal. This one is longer. Thicker. Textured. And vibrates so hard I come every time.

Studmuffin: Fuck. You’re killing me, doll.

Studmuffin: What are you doing to me?

Me: I’m trying to tell you it isn’t enough.

Studmuffin: What would be enough?

Now it’s my turn to type a response just to delete it, over and over. What am I supposed to say?

This was fun but nothing’s changed between us? I’m in love with you but you see me as just a friend? We had a heated moment by the bonfire, but refuse to talk about it? I don’t know how much longer I can live like this?