Page 43 of Heartstrings & Horseshoes

I’ve never told Connor the full truth and I didn’t tell Mr. Richards or the school nurse, but they figured it out anyway.

I pull a pamphlet from the front-zipped pocket of my backpack. The one I thought might help me.

Equine Therapy.

“We don’t have insurance or even a doctor.”

Connor’s wracked with sorrow. I hate myself for burdening him with my stupid problems.

“I only eat foods I think are healthy and safe. Fresh food spoils too fast. Foods like noodles, rice, lunch meat, cereal—those will make me fat. When I eat my safe foods, I don’t gain any weight, and Mom doesn’t have to buy me more clothes. I’m in control of what I eat.

“But…I guess I’m not eating enough of even my safe foods since I’ve been falling asleep in class and getting bad marks on my homework.”

Connor’s at a loss for words, everything I say makes him sadder and sadder. This is why I didn’t tell him…I knew I’d hurt him.

He picks up the equine therapy pamphlet and flips through it.

“Would this help?” he asks, motioning with the colorful paper.

“There’s no way we could afford something like that, and I have no way of getting there.” I snatch it back and crush it into a ball doomed to die at the bottom of my backpack.

“Let me talk to my mom, I’m sure she⁠—”

I cut him off. “No. Thank you, Connor, but no. I can’t take anything else from your parents. I promise I’ll try to eat more foods, okay? The school nurse said hard boiled eggs are healthy and can last a week in the fridge…if we have electricity. She promised me peanut butter was safe. And Mr. Richards said if I ask the grocery store people, they should have foods in the back that are less money since they’re trying to get rid of it.”

He regards me carefully, not knowing what to say or how to help.

“Promise?” he asks.

“Promise.”

23

“Are you listening to me?” Olivia asks across our table at The Flying Pig.

I drag my mind out of this lust-filled haze to meet her emerald eyes. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was asking if you want to carpool to the ranch after dinner to visit Maisey. I know it’s not one of your lesson days with Reid and Izzy, but if you don’t have anything else going on, I’d be happy to share my Maisey-time with you.” She winks.

“That sounds good. The temperature will be a lot more pleasant after the sun goes down.” I try to sound enthused, but my mind is miles away.

Olivia’s feline eyes cut through me like an X-ray. “What’s going on with you lately?

“Hmm? Nothing. My mind wanders to my internship every minute of the day. I’m supposed to be enjoying my first summer off in forever, but I wish I was already entrenched in work, you know?”

“I do. You know I’m a prima-workaholic. Once you’re comfortable with the horses, and have some hands-on experience under your belt, you’ll be golden.”

Olivia has a way of brightening your day, and I’m grateful for her especially on days like today when my hormones are trying to catapult me into Connor’s pants. Spending time at the ranch will be a good distraction anyway because Connor is away on a three-day trip, and I miss him like crazy.

“Do you want to make a whole night of it and sleep over in the guest house? Steal Izzy away from her fiancé for a night and have a slumber party like the old days?” The plan forms in my head, exciting me more with each word that comes out of my mouth.

I finish my lemonade, and Lou Ann drops a refill off like magic. I’ve been obsessed with anything lemon since Connor’s mom’s lemonade first tickled my tongue. She doesn’t make it much anymore; they live a life of quiet survival with Connor’s dad’s Alzheimer’s disease.

Since moving in with Connor, I dread the nights I sleep alone in our bed. He doesn’t need to know I big-spoon his pillow, or sleep in his shirts. Those secrets will stay between me and the walls of our apartment.

Livy looks…guilty? She fidgets in her seat across from me at the pub and doesn’t meet my eyes when she responds. “That sounds amazing, but I have plans with…” She stops abruptly. Panic filled eyes shoot to mine.

I’m not one to push. I have no room to pry into other people’s lives when I’ve been hiding a hopeless crush on Connor for years.