Page 36 of Heartstrings & Horseshoes

Izzy wraps her arm around Delilah’s shaking shoulders and leads her into the cabin. She gives Reid a pointed look before shutting me off from the love of my life.

“Thank you,” Reid says, shocking the shit out of me.

“What?”

“Thank you for being there for her. I didn’t know Jason was a predator. If I did, I would’ve killed him a long time ago. I’m sorry Delilah had to go through that. You’re a good man, Connor.”

“She doesn’t seem to think so.” I’m disgusted such a petty thing came out of my mouth.

Reid leans against the porch railing, crossing his arms in a “dad” stance. “Don’t be fucking stupid.” What? Is he serious?

“You’re in love with her.”

My ears ring and my eyes blur hearing my deepest secret spoken so clearly for the universe to hear.

“Don’t bother arguing. I’ve known since your birthday party last year. No man looks at a woman the way you look at Delilah unless he’s in love,” Reid says like I’m dumb as shit.

I can’t bring myself to admit it. It won’t do any good. The less people who know the truth, the better. If Reid’s known all these months, surely, he’s told Isabelle.

Has she told Delilah? She couldn’t have. If she had, Delilah wouldn’t think she’s anything other than mine.

“She loves you too, you know.” That gets my fucking attention.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. She loves me as a friend.”

“Yea, that’s what Isabelle said when I asked her. But I don’t buy it. So, what are you going to do about it?” I scowl at Reid, daring him to continue.

“You’re going to lose her if you don’t tell her how you feel. Take it from a guy who almost lost the love of his life.” His eyebrows raise, the scarred one not quite as high.

“How did you fix it?” I ask quietly, but my words reverberate loudly in my muddled brain. I have to fix this. I need her.

“It was a different situation, but same principles should apply, I’d bet. First, I admitted to myself all the painful, ugly, terrifying truths I’d been burying. Then, I told her everything and hoped like hell she’d give me another chance. I’ve spent every minute since trying to be the man she deserves.”

Reid stands from the railing and pats me hard on the back. “You’ve got to admit it to yourself before you can tell her. And pray it’s not too late.” And with that, he slips inside to guard my girl, my heart, for the night.

Sleep eludes me. The bed smells like her. The sheets are cold and still without her beside me. The walls of this damned apartment are haunted with her voice, her laughter, and her love.

No matter what I do next, my life will never be the same. But if I had to choose a life with Delilah or without her, I’d choose her.

Every. Single. Time.

20

Studmuffin: I miss you.

Istare at the text Connor sent this morning like if I look at it long enough, I’ll miraculously know what to do.

I’ve been staying at Lucky Spurs Ranch for the past five days. After the barn party, I cried myself to sleep in Izzy’s bed, and Reid was kind enough to sleep on the couch.

I was mortified inconveniencing Reid in his own home, so Izzy arranged a room for me at the main house.

Always gracious hosts, food is abundant. Eating to not offend the Andersens and ignoring the feelings I refuse to face has had an unexpected side effect.

I’ve gained weight. Typically, when I’m stressed, I control my intake even stricter. But there’s something healing being at the ranch, spending my days in the sun with my sister, having no contact with my mom, and hiding from my problems.

It’s been nice pretending to be a normal, well-adjusted human being. At least during the daytime. Nights are when my mask falls. Nights spent in a bed without Connor. Nights without the pillow talk I’ve greedily cherished.

I miss him so much it hurts. I felt his heart breaking when I told him I needed time apart. It broke me to say it, but it was true. It isn’t his fault I want more, but I can’t keep pretending what we have is enough for me.