Page 21 of Heartstrings & Horseshoes

His lack of a response back hurts worse than it should.

I’m not good enough for him. I never have been. It’s not his fault he grew up in a healthy household while I grew up in a booze-soaked tin can. I should be counting my blessings he entertains my presence at all, let alone see me as a potential partner.

No. Connor doesn’t want me like that.

He never has, and he never will.

12

“Iswear to god, if I work another hour this week, I might die.” I moan, lying on CJ’s couch holding a bottle of beer, arm dangling off the edge.

“You complain more than my Aunt Sue and she’s intolerable. Why are you here again? And by again, I mean, again, because you’re always here lately. Don’t you have a perfectly good apartment with a beautiful woman waiting for you?”

CJ’s such a dick. He’s right, but still a dick.

“That’s why I can’t go home. She’s always there.”

“I’m failing to see the issue. Isn’t this your dream come true? Living with Delilah? What am I missing?” Patronizing prick.

“She’s. Always. There. She’s curled around me when I wake in the morning. She’s making coffee in her tiny pajamas. She makes me breakfast. Everything’s always clean, and my laundry hamper’s always empty. She naps on the couch like a cat lounging in a sunbeam. She walks around in a towel after her showers—for like ten steps to the closet—but still!”

CJ scrutinizes at me like he’s never seen a dumber person in his life.

“So, you can’t go home because your impossibly stunning, sweet, kind, helpful best friend is too good of a roommate?”

“I hate you.”

“Mmhmm. Honey, you know as well as I do why you’re avoiding her.”

My jaw grinds painfully. I’m going to need a dental appointment from the beating my molars are taking. I refuse to engage in this ridiculous conversation. Unfortunately for me, CJ has no such qualms.

“Because you’re in love with her, you sad sack little bitch baby.”

And there it is. The ugly truth. Of course I’m fucking in love with her. Welcome to the last seventeen years of my miserable life. Wanting someone you can never have is a special level of purgatory. The pain never abates, it just festers.

“Can we not right now? I’m fucking exhausted,” I groan.

“Yes, because you’ve been working yourself into the ground and haven’t had any Lilah-lovin’ to rejuvenate you.”

“Don’t say Lilah-lovin’, please, for the love of god.” The last thing I need to be thinking about is any Lilah-lovin’, I’m miserable enough.

“You really are a stupid son of a bitch aren’t you?”

“Dude!”

“Don’t dude me. Has it occurred to your teeny tiny hamster brain that your avoidant behavior could be hurting her?”

“What do you mean?” As I ask the asinine question, I see exactly what he means. She’s forcibly removed from the only home she’s ever known, thinks she’s moving in with her best friend but instead, has been living alone during one of the most stressful times of her life.

She misses Izzy terribly and Olivia’s busy at her new job. She misses her waste-of-space mom. She’s cramming for finals before her last semester of college.

Fuck. I’m a piece of shit.

CJ’s face says, Oh good, the idiot figured out a circle doesn’t have corners.

“Goddamn it. I hate you.”

“You love me, don’t be ridiculous.” CJ rolls his eyes with a flourish.