Page 112 of Falling Back to You

“You and Myles got the athleticism. Olive is a music whiz, Pheebs is a genius, Ruby is magical behind a camera. And then there’s me.” I hugged my thin cardigan closer, wishing I’d remembered to grab something warmer.

Without a word, Cal draped his jacket around my shoulders. My first instinct yelled at me to protest that I was fine. I could take care of myself like I always did. But the intoxicating warmth and the signature smell of his cologne were too tempting to pass up. Not that I couldn’t do it. I totally could. Maybe. It’s nice being taken care of for once.

“You felt left out?” Cal asked, surprised.

I shrugged, burying my nose in the soft leather. “I worked two jobs in high school. If I wanted something, I bought it. No allowance. Then my sisters came along, and suddenly my parents were paying for extracurricular activities.” I sniffed. “I’m not jealous. I just . . . feel like I had nothing to offer except what I did.”

You were tired of being strong all the time. You wanted to break and have someone pick up the pieces. Just once.

At nineteen, I’d run away to find myself.

At thirty-two, I was just as lost as I was back then.

“I don’t know who I am without my job,” I confessed. “I don’t know who I am when I have nothing to offer. My family kept me around because they needed me, not because they wanted me.” Being needed was the only way to win love, so I’d chased it. Craved it. Made myself invaluable. What would it be like to be wanted, not just needed?

Cal tugged me to a stop, face serious under the dim light. “That’s not true.”

I scoffed. “The first conversation I had with my parents after I left was about how I left them in the lurch. Not why I took drastic action that was so out of character for me.”

“Noelle, you are more than your job or your capabilities.” He brushed a tear from my cheek. When had I started crying? “You always have been.”

“I know that in my head,” I whispered. “But it never felt like that. Everyone expected me to hold everything together. I wasn’t allowed to mess up.”

“Sweetheart, it wasn’t your job. It was never your job.”

When I didn’t say anything, he repeated it.

“Your value isn’t tied to a job, a man, or your contributions to society. You, Noelle Shepherd, have value because God says you are valuable. He loves you. So does your family. Your friends. So do—” He paused, thinking better of whatever he was going to add. “You don’t have to earn that love. It’s already yours.”

I sniffed. The words settled over me like a warm blanket. “This was remarkably heavy for a first date.”

His smile was soft as he cradled my face. “Or maybe it’s exactly right.”

Chapter thirty-seven

Noelle

“So?” Juliet asked before popping a chocolate-covered almond into her mouth. “You and Cal, huh?”

“Jules,” Paisley scolded, elbowing her as they sat side by side on the couch in Paisley’s cozy living room. “You promised you wouldn’t get all lawyer-y on her.”

I’d been invited over for girl time and promised gluten-free goodies and a night of watching The Princess Diaries. Usually, I didn’t book social activities back to back, but without Macy around to debrief with in person, I’d made an exception after last night’s date.

Although I’d spent all day on the couch to prepare for it.

“I wasn’t going lawyer-y,” Juliet protested, her eyes sparkling in curiosity.

Paisley adjusted her wire-rimmed glasses. “She’s usually more subtle, Noelle, but love on the brain has made Jules soft. In the best way.”

I chuckled. “Love looks good on you, sis.”

“Back to you and Cal,” Juliet said, pinning me with a look.

I flopped back in the armchair. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything!” Paisley cried, and she was the human equivalent of a heart-eyed emoji. Seriously, this woman was adorable.

My heart warmed. It’d been a long time since I’d had a group of girlfriends. Ever since my diagnosis, it had been me and Macy. And while I loved the girl to bits, I’d been lonely, too. Missing Aubrey. I’d known her longer than Macy, but it proved that friendship wasn’t who you’d known the longest. It was who stood by your side when the world went to chaos and didn’t leave—they promised to stay, and they meant it.