Page 55 of Third Strike Smitten

Me

Not the same as public speaking. I don’t have to look anyone in the eye when I’m yelling at you from the stands.

Killian

True. So, what’s the problem? Why can’t you write this thing?

I stare at his question, not knowing how to answer. The truth is complicated, and I’m not sure I want to dive into it with him. But then again, something about Killian makes me want to be honest, even when it’s hard.

Me

Because I don’t know what I want to say. I don’t know what the message is supposed to be.

Killian

What do you mean?

Me

Like...do I focus on the accident itself? Or the recovery? Or how it changed me? Or how it didn’t change me? I don’t know what people want to hear.

Killian

Okay, let me ask you this. What do YOU want to say? Imagine yourself standing in a room full of filthy rich strangers waiting to hear about your life. What do you want them to know? First instinct. What’s your first thought?

I swallow the knot in my throat as another forms in my chest.

Me

That the truth is messy and complicated and not at all inspirational in the way people expect these speeches to be.

Killian

Okay. Keep going.

I stare up at the ceiling, my Moscato all but forgotten next to me.

Me

I’d probably tell them that surviving something terrible doesn’t automatically make you stronger or wiser or more enlightened. Sometimes it just makes you more afraid.

Killian

That’s…unabashedly honest.

Me

Is it too honest? Will that make people uncomfortable?

Killian

Probably. But isn’t that the point? To make people think?

Me

When did you get so smart, Haynes?

Killian