Page 118 of Flirting with Trouble

And like magic, the pressure of work slips away, and I find myself smiling again.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Victory

It’s strange being back in the city where everyone is focused on cell phones and in a hurry. I got used to moving slower, feeling more relaxed, and being greeted with smiles and welcoming conversation everywhere we went. This is like a different world, which isn’t necessarily better or worse than the island. It’s just an awakening. Like when I first started spending more time with Wells, and I felt like I was coming out from under a cloud—or from inside a box—and remembered my love of aimlessly walking around the city discovering new-to-me shops and cafés, listening to live music, and living.

As we drive past skyscrapers, street vendors, and people gathered on street corners waiting for lights to change, I know this big, exciting city that helped make me who I am hasn’t changed. I have.

My phone chimes with a text.

Seth: How was your weekend? When are you heading home?

Me: It was amazing. I’m on my way home now.

Me: Wish I weren’t.

Seth: Must have been a hell of a weekend. I’m happy for you.

Seth: Want to have dinner or are you working?

My pulse quickens as I type what I’ve been thinking about doing for the last few hours.

Me: Actually, I think I’m going to start boxing up Harvey’s things.

Guilt tiptoes in. I take a deep breath, knowing I’m doing the right thing. I want to make room for Wells in my life, and I have to be honest with myself. Seeing Harvey’s things around the apartment doesn’t bring the same comfort it once did, and it leaves me in a constant struggle of not wanting to betray Harvey, not wanting to neglect myself anymore, and more recently, not wanting to neglect Wells.

Seth: Want me to come help? I’ll bring my friend Whiskey or his buddy Tequila.

Me: I love you for offering, but I think I have to do this myself.

Seth: Okay. I’m proud of you, sis. Call if you need me.

Me: I will.

My nerves are still pinging when the driver pulls up in front of my building, and Ivan opens the car door. “Good afternoon, Ms. Braden,” he says with the same professional kindness as usual as I step out of the car.

“Hi, Ivan.” As I head for the entrance, I try to remember when the last time was that I asked him about his family and realize grief has overshadowed this part of my life, too. The thought stops me in my tracks. Ivan used to show me pictures of his grandbabies and share stories about his wife and son, and I loved hearing about them.

It’s time to reclaim this piece of myself, too. I turn back to the man who has selflessly opened doors and held umbrellas for me more times than I can count. “How are you, Ivan?”

“I’m doing well, thank you for asking. And you? It’s been nice seeing you smiling lately.”

The fact that he noticed makes me realize just how far I’d fallen. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve taken the time to talk.” I borrow a phrase from Margot that perfectly suits the last several years of my life. “I got lost for a while after losing Harvey, but it feels good to be smiling again.”

“We all miss Mr. Bauer,” he says somberly. “He was a good man.”

“Yes, he was.” Ivan and I haven’t talked about Harvey since he shared his condolences shortly after he died. I’m relieved that it no longer hurts to talk about him and to discover it feels good to talk about him without being swamped with guilt. “How are Joan and your grandchildren?”

“Joan is still putting up with me. I’m grateful for that, and the boys are a joy. Kenny just started third grade, and he’s exactly like his dad. All about the books. Matty is in first grade, and he is already telling his teacher everything she’s doing wrong.”

“It’s good to keep teachers on their toes.”

Beaming with pride, he says, “Would you like to see a picture of them?”

“I’d love to.”

He pulls out his phone, and as he scrolls through pictures of two adorable boys flashing overzealous grins at the camera, he tells me about his last visit with them, and then he fills me in on highlights from the last few years with his wife and son. Catching up on his family brings me so much joy, and I can see he loves sharing it with me, too.