Page 44 of Talk Wicked to Me

Baz changed his diaper and put him in the bassinet. Then he sat on the bed with Emerson again. “I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time, but you’re doing a great job with Brennan.”

“Thanks. The nightmare I had was all of my insecurities coming out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was thrown back into the night my parents were killed, but when I ran home, I heard Brennan crying inside and couldn’t get to him. I know it wasn’t real, and I keep telling myself to buck up, because that’s what my dad used to say. Buck up, Em, you’ve got this, but if you have trouble, your mom and I are always here to help.” Her lower lip trembled. “But that last part isn’t true anymore, and I hate it.”

“I hate it, too, and I’m sorry you had that nightmare.” He hugged her, holding her for a long moment. “I know nothing can replace your parents, but you’re not alone, and nothing is going to happen to you or Brennan. I’m here, and you’ve got everyone in my family behind you. You can lean on us anytime.”

She inhaled a ragged breath, nodding. “I know. Thank you.”

“What about Gwen’s parents? You said they took you in, and I know they were different from your parents, but did they treat you like one of the family?”

“Sort of, but I felt more like a responsibility they hadn’t prepared for. They weren’t mean or anything like that. They did all the right things. They got me into therapy, made sure I had a roof over my head, healthy meals, and clothes to wear, and helped me apply for college. Mr. Vasiliou was the executor and trustee of my parents’ estate, and he was my guardian. My parents left everything they had to me. Their life insurance, their investments, the house, half of my dad’s business. I didn’t know what that meant, and I honestly didn’t care. I couldn’t even think straight. I just wanted my parents back. Luckily, Mr. Vasiliou made sure everything was handled well, and he invested wisely for me. Brennan and I are set for life financially.”

“But they weren’t there for you emotionally.”

She shook her head.

His heart hurt for her, going from warm, loving parents to that type of situation. “That sort of explains why they’re not here helping you with Brennan.”

“They’re on holiday in Greece, visiting family. They called to congratulate me, and they sent a box of baby clothes and diapers and other things.” She shrugged. “That’s how they roll. Gwen calls their long vacations life hiatuses.”

“Sorry to say this, but that’s shitty.” He took her hand in his. “After all you’ve been through, how can you doubt that your parents are proud of you? That they’re smiling down on you right now, because of how wonderful a mother you are?”

Her lower lip trembled, and she gazed down at Brennan. She was quiet for so long, he wasn’t sure she’d respond at all, but then she lifted tear-streaked cheeks and said, “Because I wasn’t nice to my mom the last time I saw her. One minute we were arguing about my curfew over spring break, and the next Gwen’s parents were waking me up and there were police in their living room, and her father was telling me my parents were dead. I ran out of their house all the way home thinking it was a nightmare or some kind of cruel joke. It had to be, because the truth was too devastating to believe. But there were all these police officers out front, and they wouldn’t let me inside.” She inhaled shakily. “And that was it. My parents were gone, just like that, and I never got to apologize or tell her I loved her.”

“Darlin’.” He pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face in his neck, crying. “I’m so sorry.” She cried harder, and he held her tighter. “I’m sure she knew you loved her. Kids argue all the time with their parents. That’s normal. It doesn’t negate your love for them.”

“It’s just that we had this thing,” she choked out, every word drenched in pain. “And I screwed it up.”

“What thing?”

“After we had a fight, I would write I’m sorry on a sticky note and leave it on the coffee machine, or on her desk, or someplace else where I knew she’d see it.” She sat back, wiping her eyes, her voice trembling. “I could always tell when she’d found it because she’d look at me in this way that made all the hurt just fly away, like it got caught in the wind. Then she’d hug me and tell me how much she loved me. I wrote the note after our last fight, but—” A sob stole her voice, and she struggled to get her words out. “I was in such a hurry to get to Gwen’s, I forgot to put it someplace my mom would find it.” Her voice cracked. “I left it in my bedroom with a pile of other crap.”

He gathered her in his arms again, rubbing her back, letting her get it all out of her system. She cried for a long time, and when her sobs finally eased, he continued holding her, trying to reassure her. “I know it hurts, but she knew you loved her.”

“I know that in my heart, but I wish I could have told her one last time.” She sniffled against his shoulder, her voice shaky, and her arms circled him, as if she were soaking in his strength.

He’d give it all to her if he could.

“I understand how you’re feeling. There are so many things I’d like to say to Ashley, but if we focus on what wasn’t said, it’ll eat us up inside. I know Ash wouldn’t want that, and I’m sure your parents wouldn’t, either. We have to remember all the good times and not let one negative incident obliterate them.”

“I’m trying,” she choked out, holding him tighter.

“I know you are. I think the key is that we can never doubt that they knew how much we loved them. They loved us through our best and worst of times. We have to trust and give them credit for the love they gave us.” That seemed to open the floodgates, and she cried harder. “That’s it, darlin’. Let it out. I’ve got you, and I know they do, too, wherever they are.”

The urge to lay her down and wrap himself around her, even totally clothed, and kiss her until she could no longer conjure the bad memories, was so strong, so different from anything he’d ever felt, but he knew better than to act on it. Her emotions were too raw, his too intense. It took everything he had to fight those desires as he forced them down deep, comforting her in the only ways he could, holding her tighter and stroking her back.

EMERSON COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time she’d cried so hard. She felt like she’d been holding in tears for years. Baz continued holding her, whispering sweet things, making sure she was okay. She didn’t know how long she cried on his shoulder, but when she finally stopped, she felt depleted and somehow also a little less burdened. As she moved out of his arms, embarrassment heated her cheeks.

“That’s got to feel better,” Baz said softly, and framed her face with his hands, wiping her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

“It does, but I can’t believe I told you all that.” She sniffled, breathing deeply, trying to regain control. “I’ve never told anyone about that night.”

“I’m glad you trust me enough to share. That means more to me than you can imagine.”

“I’m sorry for dumping my baggage on you.”