Page 20 of Talk Wicked to Me

“It gave me perspective. Made me slow down and think about how my actions affected others, and by others, I mean girls. I’m not proud to admit this, but in some ways I was a dick when I was younger. I didn’t talk shit about girls, and I’d never do anything they didn’t want to do, but I thought nothing of hooking up and moving on.”

She looked surprised by his confession. “And do you now?”

He held her gaze. “I’m no knight in shining armor, Emerson. I hook up with my fair share of women, but they’re fewer and farther between than people think, and they always know the score. I make it clear up front that I’ve got things I want to do before I settle down, and I intend to do them. One day I hope to find what my brothers have, but right now I’ve got other plans.”

“Okay, Mr. Mysterious, you’ve piqued my interest. What kind of plans?”

“I’m keeping a promise to an old friend and taking off in late September for a four-month assignment in Indonesia with Veterinarians without Borders.”

“Oh, wow,” she said with surprise, and if he wasn’t mistaken, a hint of disappointment. “That’s a big trip. Have you always wanted to travel?”

“I’ve always wanted to help animals where they don’t have enough resources, so I guess that means I have.”

“Is your friend going with you?”

“No. I’m flying solo. How about you? Have you traveled?”

“A little, on family vacations when I was younger. But I grew up in New York and went to college there. This is the first time I’ve left the city on my own.”

“You must have had a great nightlife and guys lining up to go out with you.”

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “Gwen liked to go out more than I did. I’d go with her sometimes, but I was never that into dating, and the bars were too crowded for me. I lived a fairly quiet life, and I liked it that way. Gwen and I shared an apartment. I always had my best friend to hang out with, and I worked for myself, so I’d take my laptop to my favorite coffee shop to work. It was right around the corner from our apartment. Life was good.”

It sounded to him like she’d created a safe, almost solitary life, which didn’t surprise him. She’d had no control over losing her parents, so she was controlling the things she could.

“And then Gwen got married and moved away,” she said.

“That must’ve been tough.”

“Very. I got lonely. I wasn’t really interested in dating, much less starting a family, but Gwen convinced me to try a dating app. I didn’t go on many dates, and I always met the guys in that coffee shop. There was a girl there who I trusted, so I told her that I was dipping my toes in the dating pool. That way if I got a weird vibe from a guy and ended the date, I had backup if I needed it. But I guess the universe had a different plan for me.” She glanced at Brennan in the bassinet and smiled.

“And Brennan’s father? Is he in the picture?”

“No. We were only together for a little while, and it wasn’t serious. We’d already ended things when I found out I was pregnant.”

“Man, that had to be hard.”

“You can say that again. To be honest, I was shocked. We were careful. We always used protection, and as I said, having a family wasn’t even on my radar. But the night I found out I was pregnant, I had a dream about my parents, and when I woke up, I knew I wanted to have the baby, and I somehow knew everything would be okay.”

“That must have been a hell of a dream.”

“It wasn’t like they came to me and told me to have the baby. It was just flashes of them hugging me and then waving, as if they were saying goodbye after a visit. But I never got to experience the visit.”

“Maybe you did, but the only part you remember is the feeling they left you with. That Brennan was meant to be here.”

“I definitely felt that. I remember waking up and feeling happy and settled for the first time since I’d lost them.”

“That’s everything, right there. What a blessing to have that peace of mind. Did you tell Brennan’s father that you were pregnant?”

“Of course. I didn’t want to be with him, and I didn’t want money or anything else from him, but it was his baby, and he had a right to be in its life if he wanted to. But he’d fallen hard for another woman, and one of the things we’d had in common was that neither of us was looking to start a family, so I wasn’t surprised when he said he’d rather make a clean break.”

“Damn. That didn’t bother you?”

“Honestly, I was kind of relieved. Those situations can get ugly, you know?”

“Yeah, but still. Brennan is his flesh and blood. I don’t know how he could walk away like that.”

“I don’t think parenting is for everyone. In fact, I think it would be better for a lot of kids if more people were honest with themselves about that before choosing to raise them.”