Page 73 of Vow of Hate

“I’m tired,” I say with a sigh, sinking back onto the bed. “I just need to rest.”

“I’ll go,” Luciana offers. “I’m glad you’re back home, Sienna.” She and my mom share a concerned look. They’re probably going to discuss me and my problems amongst themselves.

After I’m alone, I curl back into a ball on the bed. Why do I have to feel all these feelings? Why can’t things just be simple?

This is all Dante’s fault. So why do I still miss him so much?

Gabriel insists on asking me every day for the next week where Dante kept me and I refuse to tell him. I spend each day trying to forget Dante. I focus on reading. On writing. On exercising. I talk with Aurora and Luciana about things unrelated to Dante. My mom gives me space.

It’s all so… mundane.

And I hate every moment of it.

With Dante, even though I was a prisoner, life was still thrilling. He brought that part out in me and I want to experience it again. I need to experience it again.

But I can’t be with Dante. My mom made that very clear. I need to move on from what he did to me. It was trauma. I know that’s it.

My body doesn’t know that though. It needs another release. My own touch just doesn’t do it for me. The only time I was able to come on my own hand was when Dante was right before me. I’ve tried every night to touch myself and it just doesn’t work. I need more.

I need to find another man to be with. It’s the only solution. But the last thing I want is to be married off by Gabriel to some mafia man I have no say in. Ironically, it’s what he wanted to do to me when it came to Dante.

I don’t want to be put inside a box any longer. I want my own freedom.

It’s hard to find it though when Gabriel and my mom are watching me like a hawk. My only chance to escape is when night falls. Gabriel has a guard out front that will be impossible to get past so I can’t just walk out the front door. Instead, I climb out the window. Fortunately, it’s on the first floor so I don’t have to jump down too far.

I walk around the side of the house as quietly as I can. The guard is stationed outside by the front door. He’s looking at something on his phone. Must be a boring job after a while.

I use that to my advantage and stay in the darkness until I reach the road. There, I start running as fast as I can to get away from Gabriel’s house. It’s only once I’m far enough away that I stop and catch my breath.

I have no idea where I’m going; just that I needed to be out of that stifling house. I need to breathe. I need to live.

I keep walking until I find what I’m looking for. A nightclub. It’s packed this time a night with so many people waiting outside in a line to get in. I could meet someone here. Maybe fall in love.

Or not. Maybe I could just enjoy myself for a while. That’s what I need. Not Dante. I just want the release. Not the man.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

After waiting in line, I eventually make it into the club. Sweaty people on the dance floor. Drunk people at the bar. People kissing. People screaming. The loud, chaotic energy sends a thrill through me.

I’ve never done this in my life before. I’m regretting not living more before Dante kidnapped me.

My body moves to the dance floor and I let myself jump and shake and twirl without a care in the world. Laughter escapes me. It’s the most free I have felt… ever.

A man approaches me. Young. Probably in his twenties. Cute with brown hair and dimples.

“Hi,” he says to me, sidling in close. “Care to dance?”

“Yes.” I give him my hand and he pulls me deeper into the throng of people. My hands grip his arms but I instantly think about how they’re not as strong as Dante’s. That’s ok though. He doesn’t need to be. I don’t need Dante.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“Sienna.”

“Lorenzo.”

“Nice to meet you.”

He laughs, pulling me in close. “Nice to meet you too.” He grinds his body against mine as we dance. Technically, it feels good. And yet… I don’t feel that spark of arousal that Dante would set off in me.