Page 37 of Drowning in Darkness

I grit my teeth. I know he’s right, but I don’t like it.

“What kind of medical team is there?”

“It’s a private hospital. Two emergency surgeons and a team are on standby.”

Why does he have private medical staff on hand? The answer is both obvious and terrifying.

“They won’t report the gunshot wounds,” James adds.

Agent Thompson presses his fingers against Camryn’s neck. Don’t tell me she’s dead. My heart won’t take it. No one needs to die because of me. I don’t care if it’s their job.

“She’s okay,” Agent Thompson declares. “Do it.”

I shake my head and focus on following the satnav, drowning out everything but driving. James is quiet, but I know he’s still there. Every so often, he offers words of encouragement. Since when does one get praised for taking the right turn?

Time does that magic thing where it stretches impossibly thin and disappears with each heartbeat that edges Camryn toward death.

I turn onto a leafy, quiet main street in a town. The dark windows of the stores promise a variety of local goods and delights. I have no idea where we are. It should be disorienting, but having coordinates won’t tether me to the world. That is formed by something intangible I haven’t yet discovered. I thought maybe I could find it with Honor and Fox. The universe sure proved me wrong. Is it me? Am I fighting a fate that was written in my flesh when I was born?

“It’s the white building on your left,” James instructs. “The man and the women standing outside are the surgeons ready to assess both agents.”

I nod at the pair and pull the car to a stop. I blink at the window.

“Stephanie?” James prompts. “You need to release the internal locks.”

I swallow the rising panic and press the button, allowing the strangers entry. Four more people appear with two gurneys. The staff work fast, muttering vitals and immediate medical decisions to each other before they move either agent. I gather Camryn isn’t as bad as I thought, but Agent Thompson was hiding the extent of his injuries. Idiotic man. If he dies, I’ll bring him back to murder him for not putting himself first.

I watch the staff for signs that they aren’t here to help us until they disappear with both patients on gurneys and it’s just me. Alone. For the first time since this started. I drum my fingers on the steering wheel and stare into the night, contemplating my choices. I could drive. Disappear. The thought is more appealing than it should be. Perhaps society isn’t for me? I grit my teeth as I try to control the rush of thoughts demanding that I retreat to the institute. That’s not living though. I close my eyes, lean my head on the steering wheel, and breathe. In, out. In, out. Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn’t be this difficult.

“Stephanie?”

I jerk my head up. “I thought you’d left me.”

“Never. But there’s a doctor waiting to check you over.”

I glance at the door and frown at the woman standing patiently with her hands folded in front of her. “Did one of them die?” I whisper. Is that why the doctor is here and not with one of the agents?

“No, but Camryn is stable. This is Melanie. I trust her, but she’s not going to approach without your permission.”

My shoulders sag, and I blow out a breath. She’s going to be okay. I roll my head against the steering wheel and squeeze my eyes closed at the rush of memories. The internal examination, the collection of evidence, the woman medic who reassured me at every step that it would be kept confidential and safe. It wasn’t, and that torture was for nothing when the samples and notes disappeared, taking with them the hope for a win in the courtroom.

“I’m fine.”

“I’m sure, but it would give me peace of mind if you let her double-check.”

I groan and shake my head. “I’m fine.”

“For me.”

I hate that he knows how to manipulate me. That my weakness is making sure everyone around me is happy, regardless of how I feel. It’s a product of growing up with a narcissistic mother. I was always the problem, no matter how perfect I tried to be for her.

“Fine, but don’t leave me.”

“Not a chance. Melanie is going to hand you her phone.”

The doctor with kind blue eyes and a reassuring smile opens the door and does exactly that. I take it and find James staring at me through the screen. “I’m here,” he reassures me. His voice is no longer around me; he’s more tangible on a video call.

“Can you sit up for me, Stephanie?” Melissa coaxes. I lean back and hiss. She frowns at my temple. “Where does it hurt?”