Page 120 of Drowning in Darkness

I trace his ear and the curve of his strong jawline. “Pull over,” I whisper.

He glances in the rearview mirror and does as I ask. It’s not like there’s anyone up here but us. There’s nothing on this dirt track but his lodge. If you don’t know it’s here, you’d never stumble across it. The terrain is too rough for hikers and not attractive for explorers. It’s isolated, and that’s the point.

He cuts the engine and grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white, which I can only see thanks to the light coming from the dash.

He’s not going to make the first move. Fine.

I scramble over the center console and throw my leg over his thighs to straddle his lap. His hands land on my hips, steadying me. Darkness surrounds us, making me bold. My hands snake into his hair, holding him hostage as I lower my lips onto his. He doesn’t commit at first. He’s holding back from me, and that’s not acceptable. I grind down, feeling his length harden beneath me.

A groan escapes him as we kiss, and his fingers press into my hips, tension gripping his muscles. Even without looking, I can feel how much he’s locking himself down.

No. “Don’t do that.” I keep my voice quiet but direct, looking into his eyes. “Stop running away.”

“I’m not running anywhere,” he cuts in. “We shouldn’t do this. We’ve already done too much. I…This is a terrible idea, Stephanie.”

“Says you and that dumb brain of yours.” I kiss him again, and his grip relaxes, even if it’s just by a hair.

Our lips tangle, and I rock my hips just enough to feel him beneath me, hard and ready. I tease my tongue over the seam of his lips, and his arms pull me close as he lets out another pained groan.

The kiss heats, tongues dancing, but James ducks his head, breathing out a rough sigh.

“Dammit, Stephanie. I shouldn’t be…” He shakes his head. “And I can’t seem to stop. It’s a weakness, one I’m powerless against. Hell, not even the need to protect my sister kneecaps me as much as being around you.”

“So enjoy it.” It’s a demand, not a request. I’m brave right now, bold even, and I won’t let this moment pass me by.

We kiss again, my body demanding more from James. His hands skim up my sides. His thumb reaches for my breast, but I stop him. I give a smile when he stares at me, brows drawn together.

“This is about you. Not me.” I reach between us for his belt buckle. “You’re going to let me please you this time.”

His hands land on mine, gripping hard, and he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

My eyes narrow, and I jut my chin. “Why?”

James stares at me, his jaw set on edge, but the words break free anyway. “Because of what I’ve done. Because of what I want to do to you. Dirty things. Bad things, Stephanie.”

“I don’t⁠—”

“You think it would just end with what happened in that video? That I’d wrap my belt around your neck and fuck you? It wouldn’t. It would be so much worse. The way I’d make you beg and squirm. The way I’d take you everywhere, in every way. And I can’t do that. Not to you.”

My eyes widen as I stare across at James. It’s not fear I feel, but arousal. My pussy clenches around nothing, so wet at just his words.

But James still doesn’t understand, and I have to make him. He has to see that I get to want those things too. Yes, it’s me all those terrible things happened to, but I’m not that girl anymore, and I get to want whatever the hell I choose, including him.

“You think I would tell just anyone everything I want, that an average guy isn’t going to run screaming from everything burning in my soul?” My stare doesn’t leave his, locked in, unafraid. “I experienced horror that night, and yes, it’s shaped what I fantasize about. But fear is what will keep me imprisoned. It’s what will keep me from sharing everything with a partner. But with you, those walls are down. I don’t feel judged, or stupid, or ugly on the inside. You have no idea what a gift that is.”

“Stephanie, I⁠—”

“No more talking.” I start with his belt again, and James doesn’t stop me.

It’s a handful of seconds before I have him freed of the fabric, his erection peeking through his unzipped fly. The confines of the car are tight, but I find the lever on his seat and use it to slide it back and down, giving me the room I need.

I run my hand up and down his length, trying to understand his size. I can’t really see in the dark, and now it’s the time to care. I can just make out how James’s eyes close, and a strangled groan leaves him. I can hear how hard he tried to keep it down. The feeling of his cock in my hand is intoxicating, as is the power I wield over him at this moment. I want to use it to make him come, to make the thoughts stop like he did for me. I know he wants it. And I want it too. So much.

“Stephanie,” James grits out, his jaw tight.

I don’t stop. I pump my hand up and down between us, imagining I’m riding him. My pussy clenches again. He feels good in my hands, warm and smooth. I want to see him fall apart. I want to see him climax just from this.

And it looks like I’m going to get my wish in no time.