Page 66 of Little Miss Fortune

‘Why did they fire you, Fuko?’

‘There was a security breach from my phone. And I didn’t let a man in to an event because he wasn’t wearing a costume, but apparently, he was some big man in the industry and complained about it.’ I do not mention the picture of John touching the small of my back. Dad wasn’t a big fan of him.

‘And, what, you just accepted it? Those two things are not grounds for firing.’

‘They said I wasn’t right for their company. This is not the 90’s, they won’t keep me just because you’ve got something, kid. What was I meant to do, Dad?’ I feel stinging in the corners of my eyes. I don’t want to give him hope by saying I was temporarily suspended, because there is no hope. I deserve to be fired.

‘So, what, you decide to drink the problems away? That’s not you, Fuko. You don’t stay out all day, you don’t drink, you are the responsible and mature one. You don’t do foolish things like this.’

His words are a dull knife, lodged in between my ribs. If only he knew how foolish I can actually get. How bad things actually are.

‘I need the bathroom.’ I push past him.

‘We will talk when I am back from work. I am very disappointed in you, Fuko.’

Tears stream down my cheeks. Hanako tries to say something to me, but I shut the door behind me to sob in the shower for ten minutes. There is a hickey below my collarbone. What a sad reminder of my shitness.

I brush my teeth. Where did it all go wrong? I shouldn’t have sent Sashka to flirt with Toby on my birthday. I shouldn’t have gone to Japan. I shouldn’t have applied for this job. I shouldn’t have developed these feelings for Toby, and then everything would have been fine.

My own bed feels small after the luxury king of last night. I dig my face into a pillow and don’t move for about ten minutes.

Hanako knocks and walks in without waiting for an answer, still in her PJs. Her exams finished last month, which I forgot about completely. She sits on the bed next to me and says, ‘Hey.’

‘Hey. What do you want?’

‘Sorry that Dad shouted.’

‘I deserve it.’

She looks around, her mouth opens and shuts a couple of times. ‘I need to tell you something.’

‘What is it?’ I turn my head to the side. She looks nervous, which prompts me to sit up and run possible conversations in my head.

‘It’s something that might come as an unfortunate surprise.’

She’s about to tell me about her girlfriend. I reach for her hand, forgetting about my own problems for a minute. ‘You know you can tell me anything.’

‘I—’ She bites her nail. ‘I...’

‘Yes?’ I nod with encouragement.

‘I think’—she takes a deep breath—‘I won’t get into uni.’

Her words don’t quite reach me, probably from my hangover. ‘What? What do you mean you won’t get into uni?’

‘I failed all of my mocks in November.’ Her voice wavers. ‘And the actual exams are harder than the mocks.’

This must be a joke.

‘What are your predicted grades?’

‘D, E, U.’

‘D, E, U?’ I shout her grades back at her. By Asian standards, not a single pass. ‘Hanako, what the fuck, how are they that low?’

She shrugs, staring at the carpet of my room.

‘I don’t understand.’ I shake my head. ‘You were always good at school. You had good grades. You won some maths contest in year nine.’