Page 52 of Little Miss Fortune

‘What a mess this is. My ex is here. Your ex is here. We are stuck. Do you have your phone on you? I don’t. I gave it to you for safekeeping.’ I can’t stop laughing.

The waltz is happening upstairs with dancers teaching the guests basic steps. The waltz is a gendered dance, but today everyone can take whichever role they feel most comfortable in. They are not going to be looking for us for a minute.

Toby smiles, seeing some humour in this, but still tries to input a four-digit number into the lock.

‘John was weirdly confident for someone who had a horrible break-up with you.’ He says it as if curious, but his shoulders are tense.

‘We slept together recently.’

The amusement is now fully gone. Toby snaps his head and glares at me with horror.

Dirty slut.

Why did that suddenly come to mind?

‘Why?’ His mouth is ajar.

‘I... Hm. I don’t know. I just. I don’t feel great about myself. And he is there and keen.’ Now that I have said it aloud, I actually do not think it’s fair on him either. Me being on John’s side... The sun might rise from the west tomorrow.

‘Fuko,’ Toby says with a disappointed sigh.

Dirty slut.

Can you shut up, voice?

‘You deserve better than someone who doesn’t even check the food he brings you for allergens. Or steals your work to win an award in Denmark.’

He also just grabbed my ass at a work event, but I don’t know whether I do deserve anything else. ‘It was the Netherlands. It doesn’t bother me. I’d rather not talk about it with you.’

Because I can hear my heart in my ears. Because despite those horrible trousers he does look shockingly handsome, and my skin tingles down my spine every time our eyes meet.

‘I know you’re angry with me about Alexandra.’

‘I asked you for one thing. Do not be a dick to her. And instead, I had her crying at my front door.’

‘This was me not being a dick, Fuko. I don’t have the time to lead someone on. It would’ve been completely unfair on her if I continued the dates when I have feelings for someone else.’ He steps closer to me.

This is messed up. For a split second, I was happy and hopeful. My heart fluttered and my cheeks filled with colour. And then reality invited itself in.

Sashka. Work. I can’t fail my probation and lose my best friend for a heart flutter. For something that won’t matter in the long run. For more pain and disappointment.

Dirty slut.

‘Toby, please. I don’t need to know about your personal life.’ I take a small step, but my back meets with the windowsill.

‘No, I think you are the only one that does need to know.’ He is now an arm’s length away.

‘Toby. Don’t say anything.’ My hands are pressing against him. Trying desperately to get him to step back.

‘Why didn’t you choose to call Malik, for your luck?’

‘We had more chances in succeeding with direct action,’ I lie. I do a lot of lying around these parts.

I can’t look up. I don’t know what expression he has, as I am worried that if I see the slight pained softness around his eyes, my determination will waver.

His hand is on mine. It’s hot; it burns my skin. His hands always feel like electricity—back at the club, and ballroom dancing, and especially now.

‘If you say it. If you say what I think you might... It will turn me into a bad friend. I might lose my job. You can’t do this to me. Please don’t do this to me.’ I don’t know whether I am saying it or whether I just think it. I didn’t hear any words come out of my mouth. How weak could I possibly be?