Page 83 of In Service to the Duke

Again, I nod, but apparently the ruse isn’t as good as I hoped. With a jerk of her head, she signals for the maid to exit, leaving us alone.

“What bothers you, dear? How can I make this day a joyous one?”

“I- He- All I wanted was to be loved,” I eventually sob, hiding my head in my hands. “He hates me. I’m sure of it.”

“Now, now, dear,” she soothes, gathering me into her arms.

Her thin arms wrap around me, holding me with such love and tenderness that I cannot help the sobs wracking my body. In the midst of it, an odd sound vibrates from her chest.

Just as when Blackport purred for me, my body goes limp as all discomfort leaves in a whoosh. It takes me several moments to understand what’s actually happening, but when I do, I’m stunned. If I could move, I would jump back, unable to contain the emotions swirling through me.

An omega hum? I’ve heard of this, but I’ve never experienced it. Even the times I got ill, my mother never hummed for me. Guilt lashes through me, causing me to cry all the harder.

Still, she holds on, refusing to let me go. Eventually, the sobs quiet down and I’m finally able to pull away. The look she gives me is filled with concern as she runs her hands over my cheeks, wiping away the last of my tears.

“Come, dear, tell me what is the matter. This feels a lot larger than just worry over whether or not my son loves you.”

I don’t know what to say. The words fail me as I stare into her eyes. There is no anger, no recrimination. Perhaps because she’s nearing the end of her life, she refuses to harbor petty grudges.

Either way, I feel a trusting kinship toward the older woman. Besides, it’s not as if things can change. The wedding is already set. Soon, witnesses and onlookers will join us at the parish to watch our nuptials. What harm is it in telling her everything?

My only hope is she allows me to tell my side and doesn’t simply take the letters at face value. I need her to understand I’m not as horrible as Blackport thinks of me as. Though, if there is to be a villain in this story, I suppose I must take on that mantle if she wills it.

Gathering the letters, I hand them to her and sit down, worrying my fingers as she reads them. Line by line, she pours over them, far longer than Blackport. It’s as if she’s truly sifting through the words and their meanings.

It gives me hope.

“I was wondering if this had anything to do with it. Robert tried to get me to read them while you went into heat, but I refused.”

“Refused? But why?” Confusion muddles my brain as I try to make sense of what she’s saying.

“It was out of my great esteem for you. Without you there to confirm or deny, I did not want my mind and opinion tainted.” Holding up the letters, she sighs and shakes her head. “I can see where my son would think ill of you. And your retort? Surely these letters are not true?” So many emotions seem to flit through her gaze as she looks between the letters and me.

“Part of what she says is true. I am only recently become eighteen. I am not the schooled miss I led you all to believe.”

“And your desire to trap my son? That is the part I’m most anxious about. I could give a twit about your age. Some reach their doddering years never learning a single thing, while others are wise beyond their years even when holding onto their governess’s apron strings.”

“That desire was my mother’s. I wanted no part in it. However, I could not seem to escape her wishes. She was the one who put me up for employment here. I thought… I thought perhaps I could reside with you and your family for long enough she might forget about her plans. But she did not.”

Swallowing, I clench my fingers into fists as I continue. “When Blackport first approached me, I was elated. I thought perhaps he fell in love with me. I could, in a way, fulfill my mother’s desires by not trapping him. Then he spoke of duty and honor. I refused him. I did my best to keep apart, to keep from trapping him. But then…”

“Then your heat.” Her voice is flat and devoid of emotion.

“Then my heat,” I sigh. “I do not know how it happened. I took my pills without fail. The butler administered them himself and even examined my mouth afterward. I tried to tell His Grace this, but he refused to listen.”

The older woman’s face falls slightly, a frown furrowing her face. “Never you mind. I tend to know a thing or two about character. I see no guile in you. Now, finish preparing for your wedding. The only one allowed to make a fashionably late entrance is the queen.”

Chuckling, I nod and slide my fingertips under my eyes to remove any last traces of tears. Perhaps she’ll be able to talk some sense into him. At the very least, maybe she’ll be able to explain things how they really are instead of how he imagines them to be.

Either way, a weight lifts off my shoulders, filling my soul with a tinge of happiness. The maid enters again and fiddles about, smoothing out my dress before leading me to the chair to work on my hair. My mind drifts as the maid adds the finishing details.

Now that I have a chance to move forward, perhaps the books will assist me in winning over my husband. If the others are able to find peace and love in their households, then there’s no reason why I can’t either. Right? I’ll just have to wait until I’m alone before I can devour the contents.

CHAPTER 36

ROBERT

It’s silent as the grave as I sit in my room, contemplating the upcoming nuptials. Through the walls, I can hear the servants moving things around, preparing it for the new guest. Emma Dowding, the newest Duchess of Blackport.