Page 80 of In Service to the Duke

I leave the room and walk over to my study to get the thousand pounds, when I stop short. That scent. Miss Gillet’s peach and black currant scent surrounds my head, making everything sway for a moment. I’ve done my best to avoid her, and so it slams into me, filling me with unadulterated need.

The moment I pull the study door open, she jumps, guilt etched into her features. This time, I keep the door ajar, refusing to be completely alone with her. It doesn’t seem to escape her notice as she looks between me and the visible hall.

As I stride over to my desk, I ignore her, making it a point to do my business and leave. But as she leans over, lifting her arse into the air, I find I cannot keep silent.

“I would refrain from doing as such with the door open, Miss Gillet.” Instantly, she stands up straight, hurt darkening her features.

“Forgive me, Your Grace. I merely wished to atone.”

“Atone? For what?” My voice is gruff enough to make her wince.

“I was not trying to speak out of turn this morning.” There’s a question in her voice, a temerity which calls out to me. But I must resist.

“You did as well as you could under the circumstances. Do not mind my friends. They mean well. Is that all?”

“I- Well I was hoping you’d… Well… You know.”

“No,” I grind out. “I do not know. Enlighten me. What is it you wish for me to do?”

Her face turns pink. “P- punish me?”

I sit in my chair and lean back, steepling my fingers. “And why, pray tell, would I do that?”

“Your friends said… I thought…”

“You thought incorrectly.” I watch her standing there, her shoulders slumped forward.

She could be playing a good game. Though why, I do not know. I’m already in this marriage. The best thing she can do is come clean. I’m not like Foxford. I do not employ interrogations into my play.

The thing I despise above all, is lying. As much as I crave her, I find I cannot indulge her requests. Not until I know all is laid bare. Talking it out with my friends merely reminded me of the gulf still between us. Rising, I give her one more chance.

“Is there anything else you wish to atone for?”

Say it, I demand in my mind. Say you wanted to trap me. Tell me once and for all it was your plan from the start. No hedging, no trying to make excuses. Own up to it. Hell, even Delilah came clean when confronted. Could she not even grant me that much?

“No, Your Grace.”

“Then we have nothing left to discuss.” Money in hand, I stride out of my study, my cock aching as I leave her standing there.

I detest it, abhor the scent of despair wafting off of her, but until I know every bit of truth, I fear I can’t trust her. Not yet. In time, I know we will come to an understanding, but being this close to the wedding has me on edge.

With an audible groan, I walk back to the parlor and plaster a smile on my face. Seems like Miss Gillet is not the only one who can put on a good front. As my heart continues to bleed, I stuff the money down into the vase.

Until that moment, I was unsure about the wedding, but not hostile about it. Giving them my coin only drives home just how final it is. Less than one week and I’ll be wed.

Though I’m technically already trapped, I can feel the noose tightening even more around my neck. She’s already lied once. What’s to say she’s not lying about something else? Could her reactions to me be contrived?

I would like to think I’d know. Unfortunately, until I found the letters, I had no clue of her deceit. As much as it pains me to go back on my decision, I realize then and there I will have to give her my claiming mark. It’s the only way to know for sure what lurks inside her heart and plan for it. I will simply have to keep my side of the bond guarded so she can’t use any knowledge against me.

A slight pain lashes through me, nearly driving me to my knees. This isn’t at all how things should be. I feel as if I’m not only letting myself down, but my father as well. He was the one who taught me what love should be.

Granted, nothing between Miss Gillet and me ever matched up with him and Mother. But I still wanted a relationship where nothing was hidden, where we could truly be ourselves, both good and bad. Not like this. Never like this.

My claim was to only go to the person who would be my soulmate, and now I must give it to a woman to keep her from hiding things from me. Not at all how I planned it. I just hope I don’t come to regret my decision as I am every other interaction she and I have had already.

CHAPTER 35

EMMA