Page 33 of In Service to the Duke

Unfortunately, if she’s not saying anything, the only other recourse is to watch her. It’s certainly a better option than claiming her. Even though, honestly, it’s the only way two people could ever really know anything about each other.

No doubt it’s why so many married members of The Ton refuse to engage in such actions. To be claimed is to have all your secrets laid bare. Your partner would know every intimate detail as if it were their own.

It’s the main reason I’ve taken so long to find a bride. For me, marriage is more than just a partnership or formality. I want a woman I can share my soul with, and that only comes about with a claiming. To date, no one has ever stirred such a desire in me.

Until her.

It’s what makes her so dangerous to me. One slip up, and she will be privy to everything about me, both good and bad. With a heavy sigh, I extend my hand and help her to her feet. If only she were not a governess and someone of a higher caliber. Then I could trust her motives.

As is, Miss Gillet will always be a temptation and nothing more. Her only saving grace is that the butler administers her suppressant every morning. He ensures she’s swallowed it, allowing me to have peace of mind that she won’t try to trap me in that way.

My throat sticks as, once again, Miss Gillet morphs into Delilah. With one heat, she could have ruined me. Luckily, she was found out before it became a problem. Just like this errant governess before me is starting to become a problem.

Mother insists on me getting married and providing her with grandchildren, but if I cannot even trust the woman writhing beneath me, how can I make her a duchess? As much as I long to grant her that wish, she’ll have to hold on for at least another season. No one else compels me to throw away my freedom and bachelorhood.

No one except the one omega I shouldn’t want.

Then and there, I resolve to only allow myself one more indulgence. If my mother doesn’t have another season in her, then I’ll have to man up and do the right thing. After tonight, I’ll put away all notions of having sexual satisfaction at the hands of this willing omega.

Besides, the things I want to do to her, I cannot see someone of my status and ranking wishing to indulge. The fact that my friend and my brother were able to find a true love match who also fit their needs sexually has to be a fluke. It’s a rare bird indeed who can have both the grace of a duchess and the depravity of a courtesan.

Reaching out, I brush my fingers across her brow, frowning for a moment before I pull away. “You seem ill. Your eyes are a bit glassy. Perhaps you should have another tincture when you go to sleep. Something to ensure your good health.”

Though I will not stoop to drugging her myself, I will certainly plant the seed in her mind. If she agrees, then tonight, I’ll drink my fill of her before casting her aside. She’ll never have to know what I’ve done in the dark.

With a soft nod, she turns and walks toward the door. The action feels so final, so heart wrenching. I long to stride after her, to pull her back into my arms and never let her go. But duty demands far more of me.

“Oh, and Miss Gillet.” When she faces me, she has a hopeful stare that punches me in the gut. “You are never to be in my study without my expressed permission. Whatever possessed you to be here in the first place?”

A swath of red tinges her cheeks. “Your sisters informed me the primers were kept here. I was merely looking for them when you came in.”

Crossing my arms, I do my best to stifle a chuckle. “Margaret, I’m sure.”

Her lips quirk into a soft smile. “I will not reveal their identity, seeing as I am more than willing to take whatever punishment will be given.” There’s a hint of mirth in her words, an implicit knowing.

I’m sure she would take any punishment and gladly. If only I could find a lady with the same proclivities. Striding over, I cup Miss Gillet’s chin in my firm grasp.

“You will not enjoy the punishment if I find you putting yourself in harm's way again. It is as if you wish to leave this life in the most comical way possible.”

“I assure you, Your Grace, it is not a lack of will to live. I have always been a rather clumsy girl.”

“I will not always be there to rescue you, you know.” My heart constricts as reality sets in.

She’s not mine to care for and protect. Every ounce of responsibility I have screams at me in protest. And when she nods in agreement, I want to do nothing more than rage at the sky.

Without any further conversation between us, she gives me a respectable curtsy before leaving the room. I stand there, not willing to have us seen together and set tongues waggling. A bone-deep loneliness sets in, making me feel weary and tired.

I knew from the beginning taking on the mantle of duke would be difficult. But, until this moment, I never knew how hard it could be. Father made it seem so effortless. Knowing him, it was years of practice in bearing the burden.

Someday, I’ll find a wife for me, one who might satisfy the basics of my longing. Unfortunately, today is not that day.

CHAPTER 15

ROBERT

If only I were nefarious enough to drug her drink myself. But then, I’m already damned for the things I do to her without her knowledge. Grabbing the book, I put it back on the shelf and sit at my desk, my mind racing with thoughts of her asleep in bed, just waiting for me to come kidnap her.

Such things aren’t conducive for me getting through the daily tasks laid at my feet. And so, I slog through, refusing to so much as allow my mind to wander in the governess’ direction. However, as she and my sisters trot by on some walk which leads them past my window, I find I’m unable to keep my thoughts from straying once more.