Page 52 of Dark Goodbye

Just for a moment.

A brief respite.

It’s his way. Giving so much of himself without any regard for his needs and wants. How stupid was I to give all of this up, to live a life where I’d be separated from him? But what point is it actually love and not just obsession? That’s the distinction I can’t seem to find. Try as I might, nothing he does convinces me either way.

I want to believe the hushed words and tendrils of love as they curl around me, shielding me, keeping me safe. But I can’t. Not after what I’ve witnessed. Most definitely not after living in the commune.

It would be so easy to give in. So simple. So… lovely. But even that is too small of a word, too shallow. Faces of omegas before me, the lessons at school, everything I was brought up believing feel diaphanous, as if they can flit away on the slightest breeze.

Seeing it and living it are two far different things. On the outside, when I had just a head knowledge of what it meant to be an omega, it was so easy to make my choices, to decide what was best for me. But now, now that Davix owns a part of my soul, everything is wrong.

His soothing purr as it fills my body threatens to wash away all my plans, all my calculated risks. I’m forced to face the strength that is an Alpha, in all its wondrous, glorious, and terrifying facets. No, Davix isn’t cruel to me like some are prone to be, and my heart wants to lean into that knowledge, begging me to give up everything, every ounce of freedom to flee back into his arms.

Despite my heart’s yearning, my brain, the cold, calculated organ that it is, clicks into gear. I will never be free from it. The fact that my first instinct is to reach out, to feel him… It’s further proof of how much he’s already entrenched in me, highlighting the need to leave while I can.

Desperation claws at my insides as I stare down at the sectors below me, barely seeing the tiny dots of people milling about, going on with their day as if nothing is the matter. But it is. Everything is wrong. Clan Mother knew best when she didn’t allow the meddling of Alphas into our camp.

The moment that cursed soldier stepped foot inside the perimeter of the commune, something deep inside told me that things were never going to be the same again. When I helped Karis escape, it was with the intention of setting things back to rights. But it didn’t make a difference.

Nothing I do makes a difference.

Clutching that knowledge close to my heart, I wrap my arms around my shoulders. Behind me, the shouts and growls of the Guardian Alphas fill the air, no doubt cowering all in their paths. I stand there, tall and proud, refusing to bow down despite the need to do so crawling through my veins.

Since this will be my last act of defiance, I need to make it count. Turning to face them, I push my shoulders back, staring them down. Their faces blur before me, coalescing into one — the man that snatched me up in the first place. I never knew his name, never cared to.

To me, they’re all the same. I can’t even see their eyes through their masks. Just robots doing their duty. Just like every single person in Stanlion. It doesn’t matter what Davix says, it will always be like this — revolution or not.

The Guardians surround me, forming a semicircle, closing off every point of exit except the air beneath me. As I take another step back, my hips graze against the metal railing, the only thing separating me from certain death.

“Step away omega,” one of them booms, taking another step forward.

I just blink my gray eyes at him, daring him to do something. The growl in his voice begs me to relent, to submit, to reconsider my actions. But I’m far past that point now. Nothing they say or do, short of yanking me away will change what happens next.

They look at each other, uncertainty flashing in their eyes. Soon, the insistent growls change, morphing into decadent purrs. These Alphas think to lure me away from the edge with half-hearted purrs. Sure, they’d probably work on other omegas, but not one of them compares to the timber of Davix.

Smile on my lips, I close my eyes and sit down on the metal rail. They all relax, dropping their shoulders as I watch them. Arrogant Alphas. When will they ever learn that dynamic isn’t what garners true obedience? Opening the bond back up, I feel Davix’s concern beating at me. His desperation infuses into my limbs, but I refuse to allow it to take hold.

To do so would be to undermine everything my heart has already decided. Sorrow lances through my heart for a moment as clarity puts everything into perspective. If only things were different. If only things didn’t have to end this way. But they must.

It’s a gift, really. Allowing him to find an omega that’s trained to kneel at his side, to give him everything he needs and wants. I can’t be that for him. Not when every other thought is wondering if his love is real and not just the product of hormones. A half-life is no life at all.

Decision made, I push feelings of calm and tranquility through my side of the bond, showering him with all the things I’ve never been able to say, but still feel deep inside. There’s the longing for us to be together, no dynamic — just us. Despite my misgivings, despite everything that’s messed up between us, Davix is a good man, a good Alpha. I need him to know that.

The Alphas inch closer, their bodies rigid as I give them one last smile. Closing my eyes, I tip backward, drowning out the shouts of panic and concern. This is my choice. This is my salvation.

CHAPTER 23

Davix

My heart pounds as we prep the small beta female for surgery. I need to keep my mind on the task at hand, but it’s difficult when so many emotions and thoughts stream across the bond in a cacophonous jangle. Usually, when I’m working, I don’t feel Ladria, however, today her feelings peppered through, causing me concern.

The short burst of panic was the worst, leaving me gasping, but soon, it morphed into something akin to love, something I’d never felt from her before. Though odd, it was warm, welcoming, and inviting. Perhaps this means we can finally make some headway, coming together as a proper couple?

Shrugging on my surgical gown, I go through the motions as I prep. Cap, gown, boots, overshoes, gloves. Everything goes as planned, and yet, I can’t seem to get my head into the game. Groaning, I step into the room and stare down at the patient, my heart pounding.

And that’s when my world goes blank. My vision wavers for a moment as everything goes silent. There was a short blip of love and longing, and then it was gone. The nurses and betas murmur around me, but it’s all white noise. Nothing is comprehensible.

Something is wrong. I feel it deep in my gut. The feelings from Ladria’s side of the bond were a maelstrom of emotions, swinging between panic and tranquility. As an Alpha Healer, I’ve seen these reactions in patients before, but I never paid much attention. I was too busy healing their afflictions than dealing with their emotional states.