Page 4 of You Only Die Twice

“I can’t give you that. You will never know peace while you’re still near me.” It’s dramatic, I know, but nothing seems to be getting through to her. I’m not the same man that actually considered her feelings on the damned ship. I’m a monster now, and monsters don’t comfort little girls…they slaughter them, sacrifice them to the god of baser urges. It’s only a matter of time before I actually break and feast upon her and her soul.

I turn, facing the dark brick, clenching my fingers into fists. The pain feels good. It reminds me that some part of me is alive, even if most of me is already dead. Her soft touch as she reaches out to stroke my arm is too much. It’s too kind. Snarling, I rip my hand away, determined to keep her in the dark as long as possible.

She’s too good to drink from, too pure. It doesn’t matter what Luka says; she doesn’t carry the same dark taint as us. She’s never seen death. She’s never killed a person. She’s…she’s to be protected at all costs, and not by someone like me. There has to be another way.

There is no other way. Drink from her. Feel her deep in your body, your soul. Let her…kindness…infuse you if you must. Do it. Take her. All of her. She wants it. You can smell her arousal perfuming the air. There. Right there. Under the acrid scent of fear. You smell it, don’t you? You want her. You know you want her. She’s yours. Take her.

The insidious voice whispers to me, calls to me. It’s a voice I’ve come to know almost as intimately as my own. But it’s not me. None of this is me. It’s fucking Luka merging himself with my psyche, my soul. Soon there will be nothing left of me. It will be all him. All Luka. I have to fight. I must.

“P-please, Sir.” That plaintive whisper, that thread of want. It nearly undoes me.

You can’t fight forever. Just a taste. One taste. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

I shake my head from side to side with violent force. Maybe I can just take the edge off. Perhaps one sip is all I need. No! No, I can’t! I force myself even closer to the wall, needing away from her and her alluring scent. My fangs descend a touch more as saliva pools in my mouth.

Maybe it’s not saliva. Maybe it’s whatever keeps the blood flowing. Can dead things still produce that? I’m stalling. I know I’m stalling. Redirection. It’s something I learned in my training. Perhaps if I can focus on other details, hers won’t be as noticeable.

I inhale, desperate to calm my mind down, but her scent once more assaults my senses. It’s like a punch to the gut and a taser to the dick all in one fell swoop.

I want her.

I need her.

I crave her.

God help me, but in this silent room, I can hear her blood as it flows through her body.

If I close my eyes, I can hear every minuscule movement as it goes through her organs. She’s starving. The rumbling in her stomach isn’t just that of normal hunger. She hasn’t had food since she’s been down here. Tired. Starved. Weak. She won’t be able to resist me even if she wants to. And she doesn’t. That’s the horrible part.

It’s the part that plays through my brain like an unending refrain.

Want.

Lust.

Need.

She possesses all of these, and intermingled is the damned scent of her arousal. It calls to me far more than her blood. Maybe I don’t have to drink from her. Maybe I can just bury myself inside her and forget this horrible experience. Perhaps that’s where we will both find comfort and solace in all of this.

You remember our bargain?

Fuck. Once more, I clench my fingers into fists. Fucking Luka. My balls draw up even tighter at the not-so-veiled threat. I know by taking her, I’ll be granting him consent to use me in the very same way.

As much as I crave her, Katrina is not mine. She’s ours, and Luka will stop at nothing to remind both of us that we belong to him. I shouldn’t get aroused at the thought of him using me. It’s not like me to feel things like this. I’ve never been attracted to men before. It must be one more curse of this damned blood running through my veins.

Come now. You’ve come harder with me than you have in a long time. Don’t deny it. Now, be a good little soldier and take what you need. We have work to do, and I can’t have you stalling any longer.

I pause, his words crawling through my brain as if he lives inside me. It’s becoming harder and harder to separate the two of us. His brain and mine are linked irreparably. Perhaps if I can get to Katrina first, it will be the same with us.

A dark chuckle slithers through my mind like sharp nails scraping against the soft flesh of my brain. You think to hide your thoughts from me? As if I wouldn’t know your plans even before you make them? Oh, my sweet, naive Jackson. Perhaps I shall drive the lesson home later. You can’t hide anything from me, my protégé. I made you. I own you. You will never be free of me.

Groaning, I slam my fists against the brick, unfazed as bits of debris fly up from the impact. Truly, at this point, nothing surprises me anymore. I feel nothing. There’s no pain, no pleasure, nothing that Luka does not allow. The sweet scent of Katrina is the first pleasure that I haven’t found at his hand since I’ve been turned.

Closing my eyes, I breathe deep, pulling her further into my lungs. I can’t continue like this. I need to feel. I need to know, deep down, I’m not broken. And if that means I’ll be on the receiving end of Luka’s darker urges, then so be it. It will be worth it to hear Katrina’s sweet sighs again. To hear her gasp in pleasure, to cry out as she falls apart around me.

I turn and stare at her trembling form, watching her, studying her. Her gaze locks onto mine as if she can decipher what I feel from that…human…probing. I continue to stare, transfixed as the pulse point in her neck leaps. Fear and arousal pour off of her, polluting the air with the sweetest perfume.

As much as I want to resist, I can’t. I’m surprised I held out as long as I did. “Against the wall. Now.”