Page 27 of You Only Die Twice

She lies there, her body barely moving. Was it the same with me? Did I look this dead as the transformation took over? What if her fever interferes somehow? I glance over at Luka, his face devoid of any emotion, as usual, but this time, it doesn’t give me comfort. Is he shielding me from the worst?

I should be furious that he gave her his blood when we turned her, but it makes sense. From a tactical standpoint, I get it. From an emotional one, I feel almost as betrayed as when I discovered Gloria was still alive. Shaking my head, I pull away from the bed and leave the cursed room.

My own quarters aren’t too far, and at least in there, I can break down in private. Though I know Luka will probably listen in on my thoughts and the small sliver of insanity I allow to take over, he won’t be there to watch me do it. For some reason, it feels far less invasive to have him just live in my head. I can almost forget he’s in there, as if he’s just a shadow of thought amongst the others that take up residence.

Pulling the door open, I sigh as I step in. It’s my own slice of heaven in and amongst this hell I’m forced to endure. I walk into the bathroom and flip on the light, though there really isn’t any need. Human instincts, I guess. The mirror stands grand and prominent in the space, almost like an eff you to all the lore I thought I learned growing up.

There is a difference. The stories you hear and share at warm campfires in the chilly night can’t possibly be reality. Then again, I never expected to find myself the creature of my own tales. How often did I sit at home binging vampire movies and anime? I never thought of myself as obsessed, just intrigued like the next person.

Deep down, it must have been more than that, as if my whole life I was training for a role I’d later be thrust into. The only issue is I obviously chose the wrong side. Instead of taking the role of the creature, I always cast myself in the role of the foolhardy detective that saw the case through and saved the girl.

Well, I saved the girl, but to what end? Looking up, I stare at my reflection, still marveling at how much Hollywood got wrong. None of the things I thought I knew were true. A stake to the heart of an ancient vampire was near useless. Yes, it paralyzed them to make it easier to take their head, but it didn’t kill them. Fangs could be ripped out and take months to regenerate. That’s something the shows got right eventually.

I based my knowledge on the more romantic aspects and not the actual fundamentals, and why would I? What child grows up certain they will become a monster? The reflection that stares back at me is tired, haggard. I’m still splattered with blood from tonight’s activities. Killing the other vampires wasn’t difficult physically, but it tore at me, ripping away most of my small but clinging humanity.

If I hadn’t been cut short, would I have reveled in the blood of my enemy? Would I have danced in the vermillion that showered down as I took his head? The look he gave me just moments before his death etched itself onto my soul. He looked unprepared, as if he wasn’t expecting his life to end so soon.

Since vampires stop aging the moment they turn, it’s hard to even grasp just how old they are….but he looked so young. Almost like a teenager. Even as a CIA agent, I never killed someone that looked that innocent. The flash of his fangs was far from docile and benign, but underneath was a desperation I didn’t expect.

From the number of other vampires that poured in, he seemed to have fathered a legion. No one that young could have done all that. Right? Closing my eyes, my brain is flooded with the memories from tonight, of the adrenaline as it raced down my spine, of the prickling awareness that I wasn’t alone with him the moment I stepped into the room.

I knew my senses would be heightened since turning, but this was my first mission since that fateful night. Until today, I haven’t really been able to stretch my vampire legs, so to speak. I’ve been too consumed with Katrina and what eternity meant for the two of us.

Now that I know what I’m really capable of, I feel unstoppable, invincible, but even in the back of my brain, I know that is a dangerous line of thinking. Once you feel unable to die or be conquered, that’s when it comes blazing in. I saw it tonight, etched on the enemy's face. That look of horror and disbelief.

Deep inside, pride and caution war with each other. To take down a vampire as old as he was shouldn’t have been an easy feat, yet there he was, out there for the taking. It only stands to reason that he got soft, complacent. I will never allow myself to do that.

Maybe it was an unfair advantage. My skills as an operative have only gotten better since being turned. Blood still flecks my hair and body from where I fought the scores of younger vampires off until I was finally able to reach him. The leader. Once his head bounced onto the floor, the rest vanished in a burst of smoke and dust.

It’s a wonder it’s not embedded in my scalp and skin. I run a shaky hand over my jaw as I continue to study my face. Luka knew precisely what he was doing when he sent me there. It wasn’t about old grudges or protecting his kingdom. Hell, it wasn’t even about keeping Katrina safe. Not really.

He wanted to show me firsthand what killing him would mean. Now that Katrina’s turned, the idea of me dying alongside Luka isn’t as terrifying. Once she comes into her full power, no one else will be able to stop her; however, the chain effect would still get to her. Now that she’s one of us, his death means mine and hers.

Luka didn’t have to add his blood to the mix when we turned her. If I died, so did she. He did this as yet another way to bind us all together. A wicked trio that can never escape. The only way any of us will ever be free is to all die together. It’s a romantic notion, but one I no longer want.

Something shifted between us when we took Gloria in hand. I am more bound to Luka than just through his blood. What I feel isn’t love. It isn’t devotion. It’s nameless, insidious, crawling around my skull as if it’s a part of me, but it’s not really. All I know is I would die for him, and not because he ordered me to, but because of whatever this misguided emotion is that’s driving me.

But now, we have Katrina to consider. It’s not just me anymore in service to the vampire Bratva. It’s both of us. She will learn to submit, to crave us just as much as I now crave Luka. That moment between him and I was monumentally life-changing, and hopefully, she’ll have that same experience. If not, I’m sure Luka and I will find a myriad of ways to bend her to our will.

I run my fingers through my hair, my brain and cock in complete agreement. It’s not enough to force her to accept the things we do to her; I want her to crave it. To crave me. Us. Without her, there’s nothing. Luka is only part of the equation. Granted, he’s half of it - a large part - but Katrina is most certainly the other half of this twisted triad. Without her willingness, her sweet compliance…. It’s all for nothing.

She’s the soft side of us, the gentle part that reminds us of our humanity. I so desperately wish that part can stay once she’s fully turned. I need her at my feet, desperate to serve me, not self-serving like Gloria. Deep inside, I know she’ll never be like her. There’s too much goodness, too much purity. The monster inside will taint her, that’s for sure, but it won’t have the same inner demons to play with like with Luka, Gloria, and me.

Now that she can no longer die from our affections, we have far more tools in our arsenal. Grinning, I draw up my lips, flashing my fangs in the mirror. It really is a good look for me. And now that I’m caring less about humanity in general and more about my needs, it’s easier to embrace the monster living in my skin.

Though this evening was hard, it was a lesson that needed to be driven home. Luka knew I would test the limits, to see what I could get away with. Hell, until Katrina was turned, I was seriously contemplating ending us him and I and saving her the heartache, but deep down, I never could. I wouldn’t want another vampire turning her, giving her the pleasure of a painful eternity.

That honor is mine, and now Luka’s. Knowing firsthand what our limits truly are, I can bring her to that brink. I can let her free fall knowing I can catch her. Before, I had so many preconceived notions that weren’t anywhere close to being accurate. Now, I can’t wait to sink my fangs back into her supple skin as I drink from her, knowing her heart will never stop because she no longer has one.

I turn on the water, letting the stream turn hot and fog up the mirror before putting my hands underneath. I’ll miss her warmth, her humanity, but all of that is incomparable to actually having her be like me, like us. I’ll never have to worry about her dying. If it ever came down to that, I would die right along with her.

The part of my chest where my heart should be pangs at that thought. I’m so enmeshed with her, so intertwined that it’s like her very breath fills my lungs. Gripping the sink, I let the hot steam waft over me as pain wracks my body. It’s just for a moment. Just that brief second. But it was there. A pain I shouldn’t be feeling.

Fear grips me as I tear out of the room, sink still running. Who gives a fuck if I flood this whole damn compound. That pain means either something is wrong with Luka or with Katrina. I’m not tied to anyone else. I reach the door, my hand hovering over my heart.

Though I’ve never had a heart attack, I know of enough people who have to recognize the symptoms. But there’s no way Luka could suffer from one of those. Is it Katrina? Is something wrong with her heart? I stumble through the door, my brain racing as I make my way back to the room.

I throw open the door, but they aren’t there. Where the fuck are they? A growl fills my chest as I leave, noting a guard standing near the entrance. Reaching out, I grip his shirt and haul him to me, noting the widening of his eyes. Fear. It shouldn’t make my gums ache or my cock pulse, but it does. At that moment, I want nothing more than to throw him to the ground and make him understand just how much he should be afraid of me.