Page 35 of Dark Holiday

I don’t care that she called me Daniel. That’s not what’s important. Hearing Daddy fall willingly from her lips, that’s what I need. Why can’t she just give me this? She called me Daddy in the throes of passion. Why not now? Why not when I need it the most?

We stare at each other, locked in a stalemate. I give Cindy time to think things over, hoping she’ll come to her senses and stop lying to both of us. Seconds tick by, my heart thumping a painful refrain as I wait. But it never comes. She keeps her lips sealed tight. Closing my eye for a moment, I force that shield back around my heart.

It was stupid to ever have let it down in the first place. Before I can compose myself, a stab of longing guts me. Cindy’s eyes stare up at me, begging me for everything yet giving me nothing. I can’t go on this way. We can’t go on this way. A familiar numbness pervades my heart, cocooning me in a blanket of safety.

“I understand perfectly.” Standing upright, I shove her off of my lap, ignoring the small yelp as she falls to the floor. I thought nothing could ever hurt me worse than that night, but of course, I was wrong.

I go back to my desk and grab my keys. “I want this place cleaned up before you leave, or you can forget about the two weeks.” Shoving past her, I force myself to leave even as her soft sobs beckon me to stay. She’s like a drug to me, and I can’t keep going back for another hit. All it will do is drag out the pain even longer. I have to shut it down. All of it. No more stalking, no more spying. Nothing. As of tonight, I’m done with her.

My heart never fully recovered from that night all those years ago, and here I am being flayed back open. I thought things were different. I thought she could be honest with herself for once, but it’s clear to me that things will never change. The sooner I get that through my head, the sooner I can move on.

Pulling out my phone, I call the only person I can right now. After several rings, Ryan picks up the phone, a chuckle in his voice. Just that bit of merriment grates on my nerves. I don’t give a fuck if it’s this damned holiday or that he’s just so fucking happy with Brittany. Right now, it’s just too much.

I don’t do sappy; I don’t whine about my problems, but right now, it’s either talk about it or explode. Hell, I already did explode a little. Why did Cindy have to call me that? It’s the one weakness I have other than my soft spot for the girl herself. Just hearing it trip across her lips like that, natural, like she wanted to say it. God, what wouldn’t I do to hear it again?

CHAPTER 18

Cynthia

What on earth just happened? I stare at Daniel’s retreating back, my heart calling out for him. I can’t believe I did that. I never dreamed I’d call him Daddy, but I did. I can’t take it back. The look of betrayal when I refused to say it again almost gutted me, but I can’t do it. I can’t give him what he wants. Not without settling things between us once and for all. I want more than anything to call him Daddy, but more than that, I need him to be a Daddy for me.

That can’t happen when secrets and hurt feelings lie festering between us. Walking over to Daniel’s desk, I start to clean up the bits of festive gore littered around the place, but my heart just isn’t in it. What I really want to do is chase after him, beg him to see reason, but I know deep down, it’s too late.

He may not be the man from high school anymore, but I know him well enough to know he’s done. Sitting down in his massive desk chair, I lean my head back and breathe in his scent. Each inhale is painful, another stab to my heart. All I have left are the jagged edges of our shared memories driving into me.

Arching in the seat, I pull down my panties, letting my skin touch the cool leather. The burn from the oil has faded, leaving a languid warmth in its wake. Now, the only sensations are being stuffed full with Daniel’s plug and the burn on my ass from his punishment.

Unable to help myself, I reach down and chase the orgasm he so cruelly denied. As my fingers do their work, I tip my head back and moan. I may not be able to call him Daddy again to his face, but here, in the silence, I can let myself break apart, giving in to the urge to call him Daddy one last time.

This time, when I come, it’s not the jubilant coalescing of sensations I’ve experienced since being at Daniel’s mercy. Crying out, I ride the crest, searching for that explosive peak, but instead, it fades away, like waves dragging down from the shore, heading back out into the ocean. I’m at least depleted, but with that comes the gnawing emptiness that’s been kept at bay since I started working here.

Cleaning be damned. After tonight, we should go our separate ways. I’ll let him deal with it when he gets back because I sure as hell won’t anymore. My panties slip down as I stand up and smooth my skirt down. He can have these back too. Picking them up, I place them on his chair, one final token for him to see when he comes back to work.

I gather my personal belongings and call for Jack one last time. Now, more than ever, it’s important I go to the winter get-together with my friends. I need to find a Dom to drive out all memories of Daniel. To keep thinking about him would be too painful, and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

The soft, sympathetic smile Jack gives me as he opens the door is the last straw. Great, even he knows about tonight’s clusterfuck, but why wouldn’t he? He’s like Daniel’s right-hand man. Climbing into the back, I wait for the door to close before letting some of the tears slip. I got to get it together before I get home, or else Brittany will not let me rest until she’s ferreted out every bit of information she can.

Pulling my feet up onto the seat, I wrap my arms around my knees and bury my head in the soft fabric of my skirt. I don’t care if Jack can see everything from this angle; he shouldn’t be looking anyway. The soft rumble of the car covers the faint sniffles as tears come harder and don’t stop. I thought I was better than this. I thought I was over everything that happened back then, but in an instant, my world disappeared, only to be replaced with the hurt and anger from all those years ago.

We pull up to the house, and I drop my legs down and smooth out my skirt. I can’t help the tears, so at this point, I don’t even try. Jack opens the door, and I exit, pausing for a moment before turning and wrapping my arms around him. He stands there, his arms hanging at his side. Perhaps he’s been ordered not to touch me or something.

Eventually, he wraps his arms around me, returning the hug, engulfing me in a firm, warm embrace, and the damn just bursts. I don’t know why having this relative stranger hugging me affects me so much, but try as I might, I can’t stop the heart-wrenching sobs as they pour out of me. I barely even notice it when Brittany comes up behind me to pry my arms away from Jack and pull me towards her.

“Oh. Oh God, I’ve soaked your shirt.”

Smirking, Jack raises his fingers to his head and gives a nod. “Wouldn’t be the first time a pretty lady has soaked my clothing.” He winks, then looks past me to give Brittany a stern look. “You take care of her. It’s been a rough day.”

“I can see that,” she murmurs, turning me in her arms so I can cling to her. “Thank you for taking such good care of her.”

“Anytime.”

Soon, the car rumbles off, leaving Brittany and me on the street. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you inside. Oooh. I know. What about some hot cocoa?”

I shake my head, unable to even fathom the idea of food or drink. Just the thought of either makes my stomach churn. “I - I just want to go lie down.”

She pulls back to look at me and frowns. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone right now, honey.”

“I’m not alone. You and Ryan are going to be home. Just, please. I need some time to actually process.”