Page 134 of Finding Storm

I have never wanted to be here less than I do right now.

The drive back from Arizona has been fucking horrendous.

I almost turned around a hundred times and drove back to Lake Havasu. Back to Stevie. The only thing stopping me was the thought of Raze, Cash, and Levi. Letting them down.

I can’t let them down. They’re my best friends.

And I need to see Jake, Tom, and Denny too. Speak to them. Apologize for what I said and hash this shit out. Get back to where we were before it all happened.

But if it had never happened, I’d have never met Stevie.

And if there’s one thing in my life I’ll never regret, it’s her.

I’ll just always regret leaving her.

Getting out of that bed and walking out that door and climbing in my car was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

And I’ve done some hard things in my time. Watching my mother being buried is one of them.

I’ve been listening to an eighties station the whole drive. I’m that hooked on her. I’m listening to shitty music, so I can be close to her in some way.

Hooked. And pathetic.

Clearly, because I’m currently singing along to “Glory of Love” and agreeing with every damn word Peter Cetera sings.

God, if the guys could see me right now, they would give me shit for the rest of my life.

So would Stevie.

Jesus. How am I going to get over her when she’s in every other thought I have?

Although I bet Peter Cetera would never leave the girl he’s singing about. I bet he wouldn’t slip out of bed and leave like a coward while she was sleeping because he didn’t know how to say good-bye to her.

Just like I left Stevie.

And then it hits me.

I snuck out on Stevie just like I used to with all those girls I’d screwed and not wanted to have the morning-after conversation with.

I treated her exactly like I had those girls.

And she deserved so much better.

Fuck.

Fuck my shitty fucking life.

I drive to TMS Records and park my car in the building’s parking lot.

I don’t get nervous often, but I’m nervous now, walking up to the building.

I’m seeing Jake, Tom, and Denny first before I go to the studio to meet with Zane and the guys.

I’m definitely in a different place than I was the last time I was here. Funny how much can change in a few weeks.

In a few hours.

A handful of hours ago, I was in bed with Stevie. She was in my arms.