Page 148 of Wardrobe Malfunction

I’m never going to see him again. Except that I will see his face everywhere, in magazines and on-screen.

It’s going to be so hard to be reminded that I had him and I lost him, and I only have myself to blame.

I’ll never get to be close to him again. Never kiss him or hold him or make love to him.

A ball of pain forms in my chest and ruptures. I’ve never felt anything like it.

I press a hand to my chest, expecting to see blood there.

But there’s nothing.

Then, something wet and hot runs down my cheek, hitting my lip.

I touch a finger to it. Pulling it away, I see a tear sitting on the tip of it.

I’m crying.

I swallow past the aching, burning pain I feel. “Vaughn.”

He looks up at me.

“I love you. I’m not saying that to try and win you back. I know that I had my chance, and I ruined it. But I couldn’t leave without telling you.” I brush the falling tears away with the back of my hand.

Forcing myself to move, I go back up the porch and get my case.

It’s time to go.

I walk toward him, not taking my eyes from him. He’s not looking at me. His eyes are on the ground.

I will him to look at me, but he doesn’t.

Reaching him, I stop a foot away. But the gap between us feels an awful lot bigger.

Silence stretches.

He finally looks at me.

I force myself to smile. I know it’s a sad smile, but it’s the best I can manage while my heart is breaking. “What we had…it was and always will be the most important time in my life. I’ll remember it and you forever.”

I go to touch him one last time. I step closer, just to touch my hand to his arm, but he moves away.

He doesn’t even want me to touch him.

The rejection stings my cheeks and brings on a fresh set of tears. I force myself to smile through them even though my lips are trembling and my heart is dying.

“Have the best life, Vaughn West. Be happy. You, more than anyone, deserve it.”

One last look at him, and then I walk away, pulling my case behind me. I don’t look back.

Tears are streaming down my face. I bite my lip to stop the sob that wants to burst out of me.

All I want is to lie down on the grass and curl up into a ball, but I force myself to keep going while my hand rubs away tears that won’t stop falling.

I guess, when you open the dam, a fuck-load of water comes rushing out.

I keep walking, not sure of what I’m doing or where to go. I can see Vaughn’s parents’ house coming up, and I don’t want them to see me.

They must hate me. I kind of hate myself right now.