Page 29 of Here We Go Again

Maybe flee all of Atlanta.

But Theo already told me he parked in the garage, so I might run into him if I head downstairs.

That wouldn’t be the worst thing.

All things considered, we ended our conversation on good terms.

I just need a minute to process. To be alone. To let all these feelings work their way through me, then out again so I can function normally.

Past radiology, there’s a stairwell that almost no one uses. Except Mia, when she and Dr. Rivera want a minute alone. It’s narrower, a little darker, and not really close to anything but radiology, so it’s a pretty good bet it’ll be empty. I head that way, doing my best to seem chill and not like I’m trying to outrun a banshee. Or my past.

Finally, the heavy metal door to the stairwell clicks closed behind me, and I collapse against it, forcing myself to take three steadying breaths.

I’m fine.

Truly.

Our conversation was fine.

I just … maybe didn’t realize what hearing Theo’s apology was going to do to me.

After our breakup, my feelings were so incredibly complicated. I was angry, but I didn’t feel like I could be angry because I knew how badly he was hurting. Which meant I did a lot of cycling through a plethora of emotions. I was angry at Theo and heartbroken over the loss of our relationship, but I was also heartbroken for his loss, devastated that he was going through something so difficult—and that he was insistent on doing it alone.

Of course, he had his brother.

But I still struggled to understand why he didn’t choose me. Which led me to conclude that he didn’t want me. That he didn’t think I was up to the task of supporting him.

But that’s not what he said when he apologized. I didn’t deserve to have anyone love me. Especially someone like you.

Hearing him own that so openly and apologize so sincerely triggered something deep inside me, some emotion I’m not even sure I can name.

I climb the first few steps and sink onto them, wrapping my arms around my body, and suddenly, I’m crying again, silent sobs working through me as tears course down my cheeks.

I don’t know why I’m feeling so much. It was so long ago—practically ancient history. But you wouldn’t know it based on the ache throbbing behind my ribs. It feels like my heart is breaking all over again.

But there’s something different about this cry—something cleansing. Like I’m letting go of a weight I’ve been carrying around for years.

I convinced my brain to forgive Theo a long time ago. But this feels like maybe my heart is ready to forgive him too.

I cry until I’m numb, my face damp and my nose so stuffy, I really hope I don’t have to talk to anyone any time soon. Still, when my phone finally buzzes from my pocket with a text from Mia, I don’t hesitate to tell her where I am.

Mia

Hey! How was it? Are you still at the hospital?

Becca

Still here. In the kissing stairwell.

Mia

K. I’ve got a quick break. Don’t move. I’ll come to you.

Two minutes later, Mia drops onto the step beside me, cheeks flushed and out of breath.

“You made good time,” I say, though time sounds more like tibe, then I let out one of those annoying post-cry hiccups.

“Ohhhh, hey. Are you okay?” She lifts her arms and wraps them around my shoulders.