Page 85 of The Devil’s Feather

“But this time you were actually defending a woman. I’m not upset with you for that. I don’t mean to be condescending, but do you understand the difference between my reaction to last night and this morning?”

Rafael exhaled through his nose. “I do. But I also recognize that I have not given you much reassurance that I can be trusted.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“Angry. Tired. Afraid you will leave me.”

I held my arms out. He slid gratefully into them, sighing against my hair.

“You’re not in imminent danger of being dumped, I promise. I think you controlled yourself pretty well down there, all things considered. Did you sleep at all last night?”

He made a negative sound. “Will you lie down with me?”

I followed him into the bedroom, where Rafael shed his clothes and bid me to do the same. He climbed into bed and pulled me in after him, holding me tightly and tugging the blue duvet over us. I smashed myself against him, safe in the cave of the covers and his body. He buried his face in my hair.

I drifted, startling awake when he pushed the duvet off.

Worming up face-to-face, I ran a soft finger over the peaked outline of his lips. “Did you at least nap a little?”

“I am too keyed up to rest.” He propped himself up on an elbow, stroking my cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“A little horny, if I’m being honest.” I bit the inside of my mouth. Was that insensitive?

“Good, then I have a request. Will you allow me to attempt penetration?”

I blinked. Didn’t see that coming. “I’m down with whatever you want, but is that a good idea right now? You’ve had back-to-back stressful situations, and I don’t want to trigger you.”

He kissed my forehead. “That is why I want to try. I am tired of being a prisoner in my own fucked up brain.”

“Are you sure that’s safe for me? I don’t want to make you feel bad, but what if you get triggered and I can’t get away from you?”

His brow creased. “I understand your concern. Maybe if you are under me, it will be easier for me to remove myself if I start to feel overwhelmed. If you do not feel comfortable, I will not press.”

The request clicked into place—he wanted to prove he was trustworthy by making himself as vulnerable as he knew how. I smoothed his brow with my thumb, tucking his hair behind his pointed ear. This was the real Rafael; the lover beneath the fighter’s ferocious exterior.

He drew back, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “I am accustomed to being quite good at the things I set out to do. This, however…I do not know that you will enjoy it, or if I will. But will you have me?”

I loved him so much my chest hurt. “Everything you want to give. What do you need me to do?”

His eyes softened with relief. “Just lie back and let me touch you, but do not touch me in return. If you see me become unfocused, stiffen your fingers and stab them into my broken ribs.” He demonstrated. “The pain will bring me back.”

I cringed. “I don’t want to do that. What if I actually hurt you?” Deandra’s horror stories of rib fractures puncturing lungs danced in my head.

“Then slap me in the face. Does that work?”

I nodded and rolled onto my back. He arranged me to his liking in the pillows.

Rafael stroked his palms down my body with slow, deliberate motions. “You are exquisite, my windup girl.” He hefted my breasts, gently squeezing. “I beg your forgiveness for not being ready for you sooner.” He cupped my hips, running his thumbs over the scars on my upper thighs. “I would not turn back the clock, but I wish we had those extra years together. So much time spent running, fighting, destroying myself, instead of becoming the person you needed me to be. If I could go back, I would give you my body as a shield against every hurt.”

I dug my fingers into the sheets to keep from grabbing his face and kissing him. “I love you so much sometimes it feels like my heart’s going to stop. It flutters and skips beats.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled. “That is from all the Turkish coffee. Maybe you should switch to çay, eh?”

I giggled. “If it means that’s you flowing in my veins instead of blood, I’ll take it.”

He bent, lips featherlight on mine. I opened to him, and he returned the kiss in kind. Our breath synchronized. God, being in harmony with him again felt like coming home. His hands parted my thighs, and I moaned into his mouth. He moved over me, resting his hardening cock between my legs.

My body writhed of its own accord, hips tilting and legs spreading. So slow I barely perceived it, Rafael rocked against me, gliding his cock over my awakened cunt. A moan worked its way out of his throat, and my mind turned to jelly.