Page 30 of Bruised Hearts

“Because I never wanted you to know. I never wanted you to feel like this.”

“You should have told me.”

“Why? So, you can do what you’re doing now. Blaming yourself for something I didn’t blame you for. I didn’t want that.”

“I get not telling me back then. When you couldn’t understand how your life was going to pan out, but years went by. Nigga, do you know how many times I tried to save you from that place, and you wouldn’t let me. If I had known-…”

“You would have tried to fix me, and I didn’t need fixing! I needed an ear. I needed a friend. I needed love. That’s what you gave me. If I had told you beforehand, we wouldn’t be here.”

“So, you’re saying you would have used me, but not fucked with me?” I was rendered speechless.

“This nigga so damn dumb. Gahhhh leeeeee!!! I can’t listen to this shit no more. I’m going to get me a drink. Make sure yall speak up so I can hear yall in the kitchen.” Nana got up and walked off. Moms sat down beside Pops and began rubbing his leg. We all sat in silence for a while before she spoke.

“Devin, I understand why you’re shocked. However, I think you’re so busy hearing new knowledge, you’re missing the message.” Moms was on point with that shit.

“What message is that? All this time I thought I had said some profound shit. Hell, I done bragged on that for years. Whole time, what I said made his life better.” I stood up getting pissed.

“Nigga!!! Listen to the key word. LIFE!!! If you hadn’t told me what you did, I would be dead. I couldn’t take another day in that house. Yeah, I ended up in a group home, but that led me to you.”

“Tell his ass,” Nana yelled from the kitchen causing me to laugh.

“Son, I think your dad just needs time to process. He’s not upset at you; he’s hurting because all this time he didn’t know the chain of events.” Moms was trying to be the voice of reason, but she wasn’t getting it either.

“I know.”

“Do you?” Pops asked looking defeated.

“Yes, I do. That was the reason I didn’t tell you. The group home was raggedy, broke down, and no place for a kid. But it was also freedom. If I had told you what happened that night, you would have demanded you take over. I didn’t need that. I needed what you gave me. Room to find myself. An opportunity to build myself. To build Breaker,” I whispered the last part.

“It didn’t help though. As soon as he came back, we were right back where we started.” I nodded because he slightly took a shot at me.

“Naw, I wasn’t healed. Hell, I’m still not. Guess what I’m not though. Afraid. Even back then, I knew you would protect me. If I called, you would come running. Nigga, you were in the NBA, and you still came running when a lil jit with nothing called you. That is what you take away. You didn’t owe me shit. I was a lil mufucka you met in a parking lot. Yet, you gave me everything you had to give. That’s the only thing that comes to mind when I think about that night.”

“Not all super heroes wear capes,” Nana walked back in the room eating some grapes.

“Shut up!!” Everyone yelled at the same time.

“Oh, yall got me fucked up. Give me my coins, I’ll be leaving now.”

“Money for what, Twin?” Pops looked like he had no more fight.

“Babysitting your serial killer, your tikkity tokking pervert, and lil Christian fiction who tell bible stories all day, but can’t even get the shit right. Talking about Job was in the whale. Do better.” This time, I couldn’t hold back my laugh. Pops pulled out some money and shook his head. Nana took it and really walked towards the door. “Jr, when you leave call and give me the rest of the tea. Thangyaaa!” With that, she walked out the door. Waiting until the room settled again, I spoke up.

“Raymond tried to take credit for who I’ve become. Asked me for money. Out of all that you have given me; you have never done that. You have always done and said what was best for me. I’ve made it because I’ve always listened.”

“Until now.” Blowing out a deep breath, I was ready to give up.

“Nigga, are you not listening?” He waved his hand letting me know he wasn’t talking about that.

“I mean about Danger. I told you not to take the fight. You insisted. I told you if you were going to take the fight, you needed to focus, you got a girlfriend.”

“Wow!”

“I think we can revisit this conversation. A lot has been revealed and we are not going to get anywhere if we keep this up,” Moms tried to intervene, but I wasn’t having it.

“So, what you’re saying is you’re good as long as I listen to everything you say. Fuck that I’m grown, and capable of making my own decisions.”

“Naw, you make decisions all the time. Just not the right ones.” I looked at him in disbelief.