Page 42 of Lilies from Hell

“I want to see her,” I say.

Knowing that my father is planning to meet with Ray soon took away my precious time to be with her in the privacy of her room. I don’t know what the damn meeting is about. It was something my father had hidden from me, claiming it’s none of my business, but the slight suspicion of him knowing about our encounters disturbs me to the core. I’m not able to go more than one night without breathing her in. Not after that, so I resumed my nightly visits.

“I’m sick of seeing you cry all day for her like a pussy,” Denis clicks his tongue with a mocking smile, despite my eyes shooting bullets at his forehead. Polina appears with a bottle of water and a glass, looking curiously at Denis’s huge smile of relief. “Thank Beelzebub.” I hear him say to himself afterwards.

“What were you guys talking about?”

“About you and how pretty you look today,” he replies cockily, kissing her cheek.

“Ew. Get away,” she protests, pushing him away and wiping the spot with her palm, accompanying the gesture with a disgusted grimace.

“Seriously. You know I like you, baby. Wanna come over to my place tonight?” he asks with a suggestive smile. “I’ve learned a new trick with the drumsticks that I could show you.” His eyebrows move up and down as he speaks. Polina pretends to gag.

“How about I cut your balls off instead?” She asks.

“Okay. As long as you touch them.”

I hide my smile with another cigarette that I light afterwards. Polina’s face transforms into one of total disbelief, shaking her head as she turns her attention to her untouched food and mutters, masochistic asshole under her breath.

I’m not in the mood to go back to the house. I don’t want to see anyone, and my penthouse near the city center is the best option for now, but first I’ll stop at the cemetery.

“If I find out you brought anyone to my house, I’ll cut your dick off.” Denis next to me turns pale, covering his dick discreetly with one hand.

“Don’t play with that. You know it’s the most sacred thing I have.”

“Her food is in the fridge,” I murmur, referring to my dog as I grab a gun and a red rose from the glove compartment. “Give it to her when you get there.”

“No way. I’m not risking her biting my arm off,” he mutters hurriedly just as the door slams shut.

I walk away toward the cemetery, but his voice stops me before I cross the entrance.

“I’ve changed my mind. See you later at the apartment. I’ll bring pizza.” He already has the window fully rolled down by the time I reluctantly turn my head. “Guys’ night.” That’s all the explanation he gives me, accompanied by a wink and a grin before leaving. How many times do I have to tell him I don’t fucking like pizza?

I shorten the walk to her grave with firm steps. I can change penthouses for today, but I know he’ll find me, eventually. I’ll have no choice but to put up with his stupid skincare masks and his stories about his latest dates, listening to the details he always insists on sharing. He and Polina would make a good couple.

I sit down to one side and brush away the dry leaves and flowers with my hand. The name Anna Ivanova greets me along with some drawings engraved on her tombstone, and a long sigh escapes my lips. I miss her. If she were alive, she would have told me something much more useful than all the stupid advice I’ve been getting from Denis.

I place the rose on the gravestone. Then I take out my lighter and bring the small flame close to the red petals, starting a small fire that grows until it devours every thorn on the stem. My vision blurs, taking me to another of my memories with Lena. The one about our first date 4 years ago.

I looked over my shoulder when we reached the pointed back gate leading to the exit, making sure no one was around.

“You don’t expect me to jump over that thing. Do you?”

“I’d have to be dead to let anything happen to you while I’m here.” Her face flushed slightly before she turned her attention back to the fence.

“I’ll go first,” I said after freeing myself from her fingers and kissing the back of her hand.

“Are you mad? Get down from there!” she screamed behind me as soon as I started climbing the fence.

Her cheeks flushed red as she called my name under her breath, but by then I was already on the other side and couldn’t hear what she said next. When I turned around, I found her about to jump, and I watched her, wondering when she had climbed up so quickly.

“If you let me fall, I’ll slit your throat.”

I stretched out my arms with a half-smile, waiting for her to throw herself into my arms. She stifled a cry and squeezed her eyelids shut. It wasn’t until she felt the warmth of my chest that she opened them, meeting my gaze.

“Was that comment earlier a threat or an attempt to flirt with me?” I asked, bringing my nose just inches from hers. She turned her head to hide the blush on her face.

“Where are you taking me?”