Page 21 of Lilies from Hell

“When is your birthday?”

“October 31.”

“Then you’re a Scorpio,” she said, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you’re very shy and don’t like to talk. Is that true?”

“No. I like talking to you,” I said the last part to myself.

“My book never lies.”

“And when is yours?”

“I was born on September 27. And I’m a Libra.” I nodded disinterestedly. I didn’t care what her damn book said.

“Where are you from?” From the first time I heard her speak, I knew she wasn’t from around here. Her accent was different.

“I was born in a hospital in London, England. In Europe.” I smiled when I noticed how excitedly she spoke about her hometown, but the smile never reached my eyes.

The first thing my father ruined was my premature welcome into the world. I wasn’t supposed to be born on October 31, but he forced the delivery for his own benefit. Instead of being surrounded by doctors and nurses in a hospital room, the cold snow surrounded me in our garden, the heat of a bonfire, and a strange smell of incense mixed with ashes that stuck to my skin. I still don’t know exactly what happened that night. Babush used to say my father was a madman with a disturbed mind and even more disturbing ideas.

“Do you miss it?” I needed to hear her voice again. It distracted me.

“A lot. My friends were there.”

“I could be your friend,” I said, feeling a need to get closer to her. And so I did until there was only an inch between us.

“My brother wouldn’t like it.”

“Then it will be a secret between the two of us,” I murmured with a smile, forgetting the insult I had for her brother.

“Really?” I nodded, my eyes now fixed on her face. She was so perfect that she seemed unreal. As if she were a sculpture carved by the demons of hell themselves.

“Do you want us to seal our secret?”

“Yes,” she replied in a squeaky voice, raising her pinky finger.

That was all I needed to bring my lips to hers real quick. The bats in my stomach had tripled, and my soul seemed to split in two, a piece of it leaving with her.

“Now it’s sealed,” I said, my voice breaking.

She said nothing, just looked at me with her eyes wider than usual. She left the bench and ran off just as I was about to speak.

“Wait, Lena!” I shouted after her.

By the time I found her, she was back with the others, and I returned to the dance floor, wondering what I had done wrong this time. It was just a kiss.

¹Ya nauchu tebya uvazhat: I will teach you to respect me.

09

Once again, I can’t sleep a wink all night. It only helped me to reach the conclusion that Matt had something to do with them. They never kill unless it’s necessary. At least that’s what I force myself to believe.

I’m more than used to being surrounded by murderers, gangsters, and other criminals. At the end of the day, my father is one of them, and I grew up with the children of other drug traffickers. The only friend I have outside of all this is Romina, and I don’t plan on telling her anything either. It’s not something she needs to know. The problem is that I can’t change my fixation on him.

It’s as if the chemistry in my brain changed completely the first time I saw him, and years later, the effects of that irreversible change are still there, if not worse. Like a disease that is difficult to treat. I’m ridiculous.