Page 117 of Lilies from Hell

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I say sarcastically, giving him a broad smile.

“You know I love you, but cooking isn’t your thing,” he says. I sigh with feigned disappointment.

“I guess it’s in my genes from my father’s side. I heard he wasn’t very good at it either.” I burst out laughing when I saw his indignant expression.

“I’d better go, I’m not going to put up with these attacks any longer.” I laugh softly.

I leave the kitchen and head for my bedroom. On the way, I glance at my father’s office. He is not there, but the door is wide open, as if inviting me to enter, and I am not one to turn down such an invitation.

At first, I don’t see anything interesting, but then my eyes fall on a folder with photos sticking out. I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering if it would be wrong to snoop through my father’s papers out of simple curiosity, but what’s so bad about that? He didn’t even hide what he did for a living from us, so I doubt he’s hiding anything worse than that.

My fingers move quickly as I open the folder, and my heart almost drops to the floor. It’s a young woman, maybe a couple of years older than me, kissing my father in a restaurant with few people around. In another picture, they are on a yacht, she is sitting on his lap wearing a bikini that leaves nothing to the imagination. My eyes sting with tears as disappointment and sadness invade my good mood.

I feel like I’ve been living a lie, believing that my parents are that couple who would grow old loving each other and supporting each other in everything, when in reality one of them had stabbed the other in the back with the knife of betrayal. I shake my head as I look at the images again. I can’t believe it, I don’t want to. What else could he have hidden from us? How long has he been doing this? I have a thousand questions right now, but I can’t even bring myself to move my hands to put the folder back where it belongs.

I run to my room, wiping my tears with the palm of my hand. In part, it’s stupid that I feel so bad about his infidelity. Jason and I are grown-ups now, and if they decide to divorce, it shouldn’t change anything. The problem is all these years, despite knowing the horrible things my family did, I had idealized the love and respect we had for each other. For me, it’s the most important thing, what keeps us going and gives us a little light in the violent world around us. So where did all that go? Why not talk things over with my mum if he doesn’t love her anymore?

I look back at my phone when I receive a call. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, and I know he won’t like seeing me like this, so I hang up and turn off my phone.

Something heavy falls into the pool in front of me and a few drops land on my face, reluctantly pulling me out of my mind filled with memories of her. When I open my eyes I find Denis face down in the pool, floating like a corpse and most likely smiling because he managed to get me wet for the third time this afternoon. I wished he was a real corpse.

I take my phone out of my swimsuit pocket and dial her number, desperate to hear her voice. I frown when all my calls go to voicemail. Something isn’t right. She doesn’t need to tell me to sense her discomfort. It had always been that way.

“I’ll go out. Stop being an idiot and take care of the perimeter,” I say, walking quickly to my room to change clothes. He gives me a thumbs up, staying in the same position.

I park my bike in front of her parent’s house. I don't give a flying fuck if Ray finds out I sneaked into her room. Then I stand at the door and ring the bell insistently.

“What the fuck?” Jason murmurs on the other side before opening the door with a look of confusion that disappears as soon as he sees me. “Oh. It’s just you. Crazy Fuck.” I enter the house, dodging his body, and start up the stairs, ignoring Jason’s protests. “Come back here! You haven't unlocked the 'bedroom privileges' achievement yet.”

I scan everything in her room, looking for her until she comes out of the bathroom with a smile that is clearly fake, trying to hide the redness in her eyes. They are so damn red.

“What’s wrong?” I murmur, about to approach her, but she moves a few feet away from me. My piercing clicking against my molars in slight annoyance at her sudden rejection.

“I fell asleep,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. I sit on the edge of the bed, unable to take my eyes off her, feeling my anger grow with every second I look at her red eyes.

“Come here.” Her legs move almost automatically, walking toward me like the good little demon she is. Then I put her on my lap, wrapping my arms around her waist. I have to bend down a little to be closer to her height and see her face more clearly. “Tell me what’s wrong.” I try to soften my voice a little, but my tense muscles reflect my anger. “If I have to repeat myself, I’ll make sure you won’t be able to walk for days,” I hiss, brushing a strand of hair from her face. Her cheeks are also red and swollen. It looks like she was crying for a while now.

A couple of tears well up in her eyes and begin to roll down her cheeks. I wipe them away with my thumbs before they fall onto the skin of her legs, feeling the twisting of my guts and the broken pieces of my soul.

“Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry,” I murmur in a pleading voice, wiping away as many tears as I can.

Without really knowing why, she begins to cry even more and hides her face in my chest, dampening my shirt as I helplessly stroke her hair. My eyelids burn as tears threaten to fall. It isn’t the first time I saw her cry up close, but I’ll never get used to it.

When I feel her breathing calming down I kiss her head for a long time, taking advantage of the fact that she still can’t see me to get rid of any traces of tears that remain on my cheeks. Then I move her a few inches away from my body and carefully wipe her cheeks again with my fingers.

“My father has a mistress. She could easily be his daughter,” she murmurs, my eyes only focusing on her now red and swollen lips. “I’ve been living a lie since who knows when.” Seeing the disappointment in her eyes, I regret not getting rid of her father when I had the chance. That son of a bitch definitely has his days numbered now.

“I’m very sorry, but it’s your parents’ life and they will resolve their issues themselves. I don’t think you should get involved.”

“I know, but they’re my parents,” she mutters with a pout on her lips.

“Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. I could make her disappear,” I say, feeling the pull of her lips as I move closer to them.

“No. Just hug me.”

She slips her hands inside my shirt and rounds my torso, making my skin shiver. I swallow hard as I look back at her red tank top revealing every detail of her chest and her shorts hugging her legs.

Fuck. Not now. I tell myself as I hug her back ignoring the tent in my pants as I try as I try to comfort her.