Page 113 of Trusting a Warrior

“Yeah, I know you know.” Exhaling, he tilted his head back to the sky, his eyes starting to sting. “And God, for some reason, I still thought maybe we had a chance. Stupid.”

Lani’s boots made clicking sounds on the asphalt as she approached him, stopping so close he could feel her warmth. “I want that chance with you, Geo.”

He shrugged. “Funny way of showing it. Nothing says ‘I want to try’ like packing up your boyfriend’s things and leaving them by the door.”

“Not my finest hour, I admit.” Her voice was soft. “But let’s flip this around. You need guarantees? I can’t give ’em either. You want to count on me? Well, I hope you know that you can.” She paused. “Most of the time. Kinda goes back to that ‘guarantee’ thing.”

Geo couldn’t help but snort at that.

With a watery chuckle, she took his hands in hers, her own fingers ice-cold. “But if you want to be loved? You are. Completely. The no-guarantees-asked kind, the we’re-in-this-together-even-when-one-of-us-screws-up kind.”

When he shook his head, she reached up and cupped his cheek. “I love you. With everything that I have. And I know you love me.”

A kernel of hope sprouted in Geo’s chest even as he grunted, “Hmph.”

“You know how I know? Because nothing says ‘I understand you’ like grabbing up the things your girlfriend packed and leaving without a fight.” She crinkled her nose. “Well, when your girlfriend is Lani, that is. I can’t speak to any other girlfriend you’ve had, or boyfriend, for that matter. All I know is Lani’s not easy to understand, but somehow you understood what she needed that night. You must really love her.”

He grunted again, the hope taking cautious root. Still, he didn’t say anything, and she squeezed his hand again. “This morning I was lying in bed, wondering when I’d gotten so selfish. I’ve been acting like my needs are the only ones that matter. Worse, I’ve been superimposing my past with Rhys over the idea of a future with you.”

Geo waited while she wrestled with her thoughts, his heart thumping painfully in his ears.

“Every time he left, I considered it an abandonment,” she said. “I blamed him for loving his job more than me. He was a part of something that had its own language, its own traditions, a culture that, as much as I wanted to, I’d never completely understand.”

He rubbed her fingers gently, and her lips trembled a bit as she went on, “But you’re not Rhys. I’m not the same Lani I was back then, and it’s so fucking unfair for me to compare my life with him to what it would be with you.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “I love you. I’m proud of you, of the way you serve your country. The way you and Bosch keep people safe. And if you’ll have me, I want to try and make this work.”

Before he could say anything, she let go of him. “I’m gonna walk for a while. That way.” She pointed to the beach. “Come find me and we’ll talk some more. If you want.”

Despite wanting to charge after her, Geo forced himself to wait until she’d disappeared. Anger and pain still coursed through him, along with uncertainty, because everything he’d said was true. She couldn’t count on him to be there for her when she needed him. The birth of the baby? No promises. Anniversaries, illnesses, deaths in the family, on and on and on. For the next four years, he couldn’t make her any fucking promises.

Except one...

Grabbing up his backpack, he headed in her direction. When he reached the sand, he toed his sneakers off, his lips quirking when he saw one cowboy boot, then the other a short distance away, as if she’d been leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow.

A wave of pure love weakened his knees. How much courage had it taken her to come to him like this, to recreate a scene that several months ago had led to heartache, and an ending? More than he’d ever know. Despite himself, the tiny kernel of hope grew.

Ambling closer, Geo caught sight of her standing at the water’s edge, her arms crossed over her rounded middle. The gentle wind teased her hair, lifting it, then dropping it, her profile serene as she gazed out at the setting sun.

“Are you sure about this?” he called to her. “You’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt, remember?”

She turned to face him. “Well, you know, that was a different T-shirt. I don’t have this one yet.”

“The fabric’s pretty much the same, though. What’s going to make this one different?”

She took a step toward him. “Because this time I’ll ask for help if I need it instead of trying to take the weight of the world on my shoulders.” Another step. “I won’t make you responsible for my happiness.” Another step. “I’m going to continue my therapy, my grief group, so when stuff pops up that scares me, that makes me want to shut down—and it will—I’ll have the tools to deal with it so I don’t hurt you like that again.”

Geo gazed over her shoulder at the ocean, aware of her eyes steady on his face.

“What about you?” she asked softly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this package deal?”

He opened his mouth to tell her that he was, then snapped it shut. If there was anything she deserved, it was as honest an answer as she’d given him.

“I think I am. I want to be.” Dropping his backpack to the sand, he said, “A husband and father isn’t anything I ever saw myself as, for a lot of reasons.”

She bit her lip. “Do you think you’ll be able to love the baby? I mean, because it’s—”

“Because it’s not mine? Lani, it’s a part of you, so loving the baby isn’t the issue. It’s just, the thought of me ever letting you down is—” Suddenly he was blinking back tears of his own.

“You will, sooner or later.” Her voice was quiet. “Just like I’ll eventually let you down, because neither of us is perfect.”