Page 49 of Everything Changes

“I’m not,” Carey replied quietly. “I’m here to make it right.”

Quinn turned to Jase, and Jase said with as much reassurance as he could muster, “It’s okay. Go on in, Quinn. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Quinn nodded as he and the other band members moved off, and it was suddenly so quiet that Jase could hear Carey lick his lips.

“Jase—” he began hesitantly, and Jase interrupted, his voice curt.

“What are you doing here, Carey?” He saw Carey flinch slightly at his tone.

“I—I’m here to be with you,” he said, and Jase snorted.

“After all these weeks of nothing?” he rasped. “Suddenly you’ve just decided you want to be with me?”

“Yes,” Carey said simply, and he looked at Jase, his eyes earnest, vulnerable.

Jase snorted again, and he was horrified to hear that it sounded a lot like a sob. He spun around and stalked to the nearest wall to brace his palms against it, dropping his head between his arms as he exhaled heavily.

A beat of silence, and then he felt a gentle hand on the middle of his back. He stiffened, but he didn’t shrug it off.

“I’m sorry, Jase,” Carey whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry. I never meant for it to be like this.”

Jase turned, knocking Carey’s hand away. “Then why, Carey?” he demanded. “Why did you shut me out so completely? You knew that no matter what happened I’d be happy with just your friendship, but I never thought I’d fucking get nothing from you!”

Carey moved back, putting distance between them. “Because I didn’t expect it all to hurt so much, Jase.”

Jase lifted his gaze to Carey’s, and he was shocked at the tears brimming in those blue eyes, the shakiness of his voice as he continued, “This is how I’ve always handled things, Jase, my entire life. When things hurt I refuse to let them, and so what I do is I shut down and try to move on. When I left you, I really thought maybe I would get over it soon enough, that I could chalk it up to—to some sort of sexual experiment. I don’t know…”

Carey ran a hand roughly over his face, dashing the tears away impatiently.

“Being without you, missing you… it hurt so much, and I didn’t expect it,” he repeated. “I didn’t expect missing you to make me—to make me ache, Jase. I thought if I focused on my work it would get better and I could look at things more objectively.

“But it never got better, Jase. And time just kept passing. After a while I didn’t know how to be objective anymore. I didn’t know how to—”

Jase’s eyes started to burn. “I told you I loved you, and you left,” he ground out. “You wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t let me in… you wouldn’t share with me what you were thinking. I was afraid if I kept trying it would look like I was pressuring you, so I just—left you alone.”

Carey stepped closer and put his hand tentatively on Jase’s cheek. “After I met you, every time we were apart, I felt like something was missing, like there was some sort of—some sort of hole in my life, Jase. And for a long time I was able to fill that hole with other things: with girlfriends, with my recovery, and then with my work.”

He caressed Jase’s face gently.

“But that Jase-shaped hole can never be filled by anything else. Only by you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

Carey linked his arms around Jase’s neck, pressing close, his eyes as full of emotion as Jase had ever seen them. “Jase,” he said softly. “I know I hurt you. Please forgive me.”

Jase reached out and pulled Carey to him with a groan, bringing one hand up to grip the back of Carey’s neck to hold him still as he kissed him roughly. Jase devoured him, biting at his lips, his tongue plunging deep. Carey let him stake his claim, let him pour all of the anguish and uncertainty of the last few months out into his kiss.

They clung together, Carey making the little sounds in the back of his throat that always drove Jase wild, until they finally broke apart. Jase exhaled shakily. “I do need to get in there,” he said ruefully, “and we can’t really talk here. Will you stay?”

“Yes.” Carey’s voice was soft. “I’m not going anywhere. Go network with your band.”

Jase nodded, and he led Carey toward the noisy party room, the sound of music and happy chatter assaulting their ears.

Bob, the label exec, caught sight of them and walked up, his eyes curious as he stuck his hand out toward Carey.

“We haven’t been introduced,” he said. “I’m Bob Kilpatrick, SoCal Records.”

Before Jase could say anything, Carey shook the man’s hand and said firmly, “I’m Carey Everett. Jase’s boyfriend.”

JASE WORKED the room effortlessly, his breezy charm on full display. It was all an act, though. He still felt slightly numb from the shock of seeing Carey tonight. For the past few weeks Jase had started to resign himself to the fact that their fledgling romantic relationship was truly over, it having been allowed to wither under the weight of Carey’s silence.