Page 45 of Everything Changes

And with that she hung up, leaving Carey staring at his phone in bemusement, his chest tight and aching. Jase, the love of his life? He was the person who meant the most to Carey, the only one he could say with certainty he would die for without question. And he loved him the way people loved their best friends, their family. Romantic love? What did that look like, anyway? Carey didn’t think he would even recognize it, and while he could accept a man could want to fuck another man, the concept of being in love with one was so foreign to him that he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He knew he loved Jase, but he wasn’t in love with him, right? He couldn’t give Jase what Jase said he needed. Right? There just wasn’t enough there for Carey to justify giving up his work, his home, his life in Colorado, or asking Jase to do the same. But fuck, he missed Jase so much.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Carey tamped down his feelings, putting a reassuring smile on his face as he ushered his next appointment in. One look at the tight misery on the man’s face as he maneuvered his wheelchair into the room, the legs of both of his pants pinned closed at the knee, his wife hovering anxiously behind him, her eyes desperate for any sort of hope, helped Carey to close his mental door firmly on thoughts of Jase. He was needed here, and here he would stay.

JASE CLOSED his eyes, the music washing through him. Dimly he could hear the cheers of the crowd swell as the music rose to a crescendo, and he took a slow breath, using the powerful muscles of his diaphragm to pull the notes from deep in his chest. His voice soared, the poignant words from one of his favorite songs washing across the room.

Tonight he and Eloquent Isolation had played several of their new original compositions for the first time to wild acclaim, and Jase felt, he knew in his bones, the band was on the verge of the breakthrough they had been waiting for for years. The music was good—no, it was spectacular, and it was relevant and cutting edge. Jase knew they had “it,” and the time was finally right. The excitement in the air was palpable, and yet to Jase it all felt hollow.

As they’d waited backstage to come back out for their encore, Jase had whispered to the guys he wanted to mix up the song they’d already chosen for one they knew like the back of their hand. He just felt the need to sing it tonight for Carey, the man he loved, wanting to pour his heart out into those familiar and meaningful words.

It was a powerful rock ballad, a song about fighting for love through adversity. The club was hushed as Jase’s rich voice wove a spell over all those listening. Servers froze in place; people stopped talking, stopped eating or drinking, stopped everything just to listen, several visibly affected by the emotion that rang so clearly through Jase’s words.

His already raspy voice grew hoarse as he sang his favorite line, the one that brought Carey’s face so brightly, so clearly to his mind, words about fighting through the worst of it, about getting through the toughest part of the day.

A tear tracked down Jase’s cheek unseen as he remembered Carey clinging to life on that dusty, bloody ground as Jase had whispered to him, “Carey, this is the toughest part of the day. Make it through. Please, Carey.”

The last notes died away, and the club remained quiet for one electric second before exploding in wild applause. Through his tears, Jase saw Layla standing next to the label exec she’d been courting, tears streaking down her own cheeks as she looked at Jase, love and sympathy in her eyes. He felt gratitude swell through him at her unwavering support and understanding. Jase would be okay. Carey was alive; he’d made it through the toughest part of the day. He was happy and fulfilled, doing work that he loved, work that made him feel needed and important. He was alive. And in the end, that was all that truly mattered.

CHAPTER 13

SIX WEEKS later Carey looked at his watch for the third time as he waited for his date to arrive. He’d met Jodi about a month ago when she’d moved into Carey’s building on the ranch, a brand-new occupational therapist Bill had hired on full-time. As a permanent full-time employee, she was entitled to housing, and there happened to be a vacant apartment right above Carey’s.

He’d come home from an afternoon of counseling sessions to see a pretty girl with brown hair and sparkling brown eyes struggling to carry an armload of boxes up the narrow concrete steps. He’d immediately sprung to her aid, taking the load from her and following her up to her apartment. They’d made three more trips, chatting amicably about life on the ranch after introducing themselves, and she’d invited him in for a Coke afterward as a thank-you.

Carey had sat down on the barstool at the counter, extending his prosthetic leg and wincing a little as the stump protested all the stairs Carey had just subjected it to. He saw Jodi’s eyes track to where the metal of the artificial ankle showed above the top of his boot, and winced again, waiting for the stammered apologies and protests: “Oh, I never would have asked you to help if I had known! Why didn’t you say something? Oh, you poor thing!”

But there was none of that. She just picked an ottoman up from in front of the small couch and plopped it in front of him, saying, “I’ll just put this here if you think you need it.” He’d gaped at her, and she’d winked at him before grabbing them their Cokes.

Over the next week, he’d run into her frequently coming and going, and before he knew it, he’d asked her out for dinner. They’d had a wonderful time, finding out they had a ton of things in common, including a love for a certain TV show about the zombie apocalypse. That led into marathon sessions watching Carey’s DVD collection of the seasons, both at her place and at his. Bill didn’t have a policy about fraternization amongst his employees, but it was understood that while they were living on the property, there would be no overnights. And strangely, Carey hadn’t felt tempted in the least.

He thought about it as he waited for Jodi to come down to his place for pizza and zombies. She was everything he’d always thought he wanted in a woman: funny, intelligent, quirky, and with a fresh girl-next-door prettiness. There was absolutely no reason for him not to be attracted to her, but he just… wasn’t. He knew she was attracted to him; they always hugged at the end of their evenings, and when he pulled her close, she clutched him a little more tightly each time, her breath hitching. He thought about kissing her but never did.

Jase’s phone calls had grown more infrequent over the past few weeks, dying away to almost nothing. Carey knew from Layla they were busy hammering out contracts with their lawyer and the label that wanted to sign them. The whole band had been busy with meetings, rehearsals, songwriting sessions, and more meetings. Carey hadn’t asked about Jayden, and Layla didn’t volunteer.

He was thrilled for Jase and his chance at success, but Carey found himself thinking more and more about how he missed his friend. At first he’d missed the sex too, but now that part didn’t even really register. He missed the connection they had, the conversations, the laughter. It was what he’d been afraid of when they’d started a sexual relationship, losing what they’d built up over the years.

You didn’t “lose” it, asshole. You chose to walk away from it. It was all yours for the taking, all yours. Jase had offered all he was to Carey on a silver platter, and Carey had walked away. Now he was questioning the wisdom of that decision, the rest of his life without Jase stretching out endlessly before him.

A soft knock on the door sounded, and Carey jumped. His life didn’t have to be empty, did it? Here was an absolutely lovely woman, a woman Carey knew could be perfect for him, and she certainly didn’t seem averse to taking their relationship to the next level. He would kiss her tonight, Carey decided. There just had to be the spark of something there; even six months ago, he would have been all over her. The fact that she didn’t make a big deal of his amputation was huge, and Carey thought wryly that he could fall in love with her over that alone.

You already had that with Jase, his stupid brain reminded him. Jase never babied you, never treated you as anything more than capable. And your stump never bothered him in bed. A flash of heat went through Carey as he remembered how Jase loved to kiss him there before trailing his lips and tongue up Carey’s thigh to his—

Carey ruthlessly shut the voice off as he opened the door to Jodi with a smile, discreetly adjusting himself before taking the pizza boxes she held out and kissing her cheek as she walked by. She smiled with pleasure, a slight flush rising to her face that made her brown eyes shine. She looked very pretty, and Carey was captivated.

For the next hour, they ate pizza and watched their show, laughing and debating and analyzing, and at some point, Jodi ended up lying back against his chest while he had his arm around her. It felt friendly and cozy and warm, just not… exciting. He could feel her heart racing beneath his palm, and he sighed inwardly. He could do this.

After the episode ended and the credits rolled, he lifted her chin gently and kissed her. Her lips were warm and soft, and he touched his tongue to her bottom lip, encouraging her to open for him. She did, and his tongue slipped inside. She turned her body so she could wrap her arms around his neck, and her full breasts pressed to his chest and he felt… nothing. Her kiss was very sweet, and Carey couldn’t wait for it to end. After a decent interval, when it didn’t seem like he was tearing his lips away from hers, he ended the kiss and gently eased her back. She gazed at him, her lips parted and moist, her breathing fast. Her eyes sharpened suddenly.

“Not happening for you, Carey?” she asked, her voice not accusatory, just matter-of-fact.

He flinched inside, but he couldn’t be anything less than honest. “No,” he said with true regret. She looked at him expectantly, and he knew she deserved more of an explanation than that.

“There’s—someone else.” She caught her breath, and he rushed to clarify. “No, not someone I’m seeing right now! Someone I thought it was over with, but I don’t think it is.”

Her eyes darkened with hurt and she started to stand up, shaking his hand off of her arm angrily. “Well, she’s a lucky girl.”

“It’s not a girl,” Carey blurted. “It’s a guy, my best friend.” He cringed, figuring she was about to either kick his ass or get up and storm out. Or both. But once again she surprised him. She had frozen halfway to a standing position, but now she sat back down on the couch with an “oof” and stared at him in shock.

“Wow. Way to just… put that out there,” she said in a bemused tone.