Page 85 of Loving a Warrior

“Where would we go?” Pushing up to one elbow, Matt leaned in for a kiss. “Spending a few years in Leavenworth for desertion isn’t my idea of romantic.”

“Yeah, I guess not.”

With one last brush of his lips, Matt got out of bed and disappeared into the shower. Shane wallowed for a few more minutes, reluctantly getting up when Matt emerged to drag his suitcase from the closet.

They got ready in silence. Shane braced himself for Matt to push him away, to try some of that same bullshit he had at the beginning of their trip, vastly relieved when nothing happened except for a brief spat at the checkout counter.

“This is my Christmas present to you. I have all the house money, Soup,” he explained, waving away Matt’s credit card and ignoring his fierce glare.

All too soon they were on the road, Vegas slowly fading from the rearview mirror. They didn’t talk much, and Shane tuned the satellite radio to an alternative rock station, tapping his fingers softly on the steering wheel as he drove.

They stopped at a gas station just outside the California state line. While Shane pumped, Matt headed into the little store to grab them some Cokes. Ice-cold cans in hand, they wandered toward a picnic area off to the side and perched on a table, feet resting on the benches.

Shane studied Matt’s profile, wondering what he was thinking about. Training, no doubt. Or maybe how relieved he was that this week was finally over, that he’d at last gotten Shane out of his system.

He wasn’t out of Shane’s system. In fact, he wouldn’t get tired of anything about him—his prickliness, his intelligence, the easy, teasing affection he’d shown he was capable of…the way he played Shane’s body like a finely tuned instrument.

“I want this.”

Shane didn’t realize he’d spoken aloud, wincing when Matt turned to him, one eyebrow raised quizzically. “What?”

Fingers tightening on his soda can, for a moment Shane considered pretending he’d meant something else, or that he hadn’t even spoken at all. Fuck this shit.

He nudged Matt’s shoulder with his own. “I want this,” he repeated softly. “I want you.”

I want your honesty, your loyalty. He sucked in a deep breath as the truth swept over him. Yeah, I’ll admit it. I want your love.

With a searching look at him, Matt put his can down on the table next to him, then leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. “How would a relationship between us ever work, Shane?”

Shane mirrored his pose. “Exactly the way it does now. Whatever time we can get, we take.”

“You deserve more than—”

“Than what? Someone who gets me?” Shane reached over to touch Matt’s thigh. “Someone I trust more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my entire life?”

Matt bit his lip. “Shane—”

“I know we’re SEALs first, but don’t you think maybe there’s room in our lives to be boyfriends, too?”

Matt groaned.

“I’m not asking for promises or guarantees, Soup. I’m not that fucking stupid.”

“That’s debatable.”

Shane squeezed his thigh in admonishment. “It’s gonna boil down to quality versus quantity time; I get it. But I want this.”

“Quality time?” Matt reached down to toy with Shane’s fingers. “You know we’ll be able to measure the quality time we get on one hand, Shane.”

“And maybe that’s enough for me.”

They turned to face each other, and Shane could just see the words trembling on his lips. “Okay, you first. Out with it,” he said drily, bracing himself for Matt’s usual bluntness and honesty. “Tell me more about what I deserve.”

“Why are you doing this?”

Shane gaped at him, not comprehending. “Doing what?”

“Going through BUD/S. Trying to become a SEAL.”